1000000 ways to recognize a person who is not a serious pianist.

[Rach3]

137. Doesn't have a regular pair of black dress shoes for performance (I did, i just couldn't find them in time!) so substitutes black, cleated athletic shoes instead. And gets away with it!

[jim_24601]

137. Doesn't have a regular pair of black dress shoes for performance (I did, i just couldn't find them in time!) so substitutes black, cleated athletic shoes instead. And gets away with it!

I did more or less the same in a singing competition a little while back - my only halfway-smart pair of black shoes had disintegrated on the way back from an after-show party (walking from the Barbican to Stamford Hill instead of waiting for a bus sounds like a great idea when you're drunk!) so I slopped a bit of Shumagic on my great clumpy steel toecapped clubbing boots and wore those. And got away with it.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does the one-hand-one-key other-hand-other thing while sightreading. Mind, I'm a terribly sloppy sightreader - I usually look at the key signature about 3 or 4 bars into the piece.

Oh, am I forgetting something?

138. When sightreading a piece, doesn't check the key signature until half way through the first page.

139. Looks neat when starting to play and still looks neat after finishing.

[tenn]

Uses a little wooden mock keyboard so he can practise while watching television.
Really!!  The same teacher also recommended stuffing a teatowel behind the strings of a guitar for the same purpose.

[nanabush]

Plays a song an octave too high for the entire song for the entire competition....I swear that happened, and no one noticed until after then it was like a punch in the face we were like  what just happend!!

[Siberian Husky]

thinks wurlitzer is the best brand....

now im stuck with it

[thierry13]

Plays a song an octave too high for the entire song for the entire competition....

140. calls a piece a song  (just kidding, don't take this as an attack  )

[abell88]

141. Puts the pedal down and holds it down for the whole piece, while playing "Blue Spanish Eyes" in 6ths. 

[Luiszt]

Hello!

When you say...

1._ Hanon is a genious!, he really knows the keyboard!

2._(after play Hanon)...Czerny is a poetry!

[thierry13]

143. Spell Liszt : Luiszt ...

[Siberian Husky]

144. thinks Siberian Husky is not attractive

[i_m_robot]

 

145. When one plays the "Black Key" etude in C major

[gerryjay]

 one hundred and something: have problems spelling the word "dodecaphony" (real story: duostecatony was only one of the attempted versions);

[berrt]

one hundred and something: have problems spelling the word "dodecaphony" (real story: duostecatony was only one of the attempted versions);

it's ugly anyway...

[ahkow]

Playing/Practicing without proper posture
Thinks that 3/4 is 6/8

[spaciiey]

147: thinks that an appoggiatura and an acciacatura are the same thing.

[gerryjay]

Thinks that 3/4 is 6/8

148(?): thinks that 6/8 have six times (and never played a music in 12/anything)

[counterpoint]

Playing/Practicing without proper posture

I thought, this tread is about recognizing a person who is not a serious pianist... 
















 

[gerryjay]

I thought, this tread is about recognizing a person who is not a serious pianist... 

 

 
 gould was the first who came to your mind too?

[thalberg]

149:  Can only play at one dynamic level
150:  Or:  Always speeds up when it's loud and slows down when it's soft

[spaciiey]

151: only ever plays the most recognised themes from all the overplayed songs.

[thalberg]

152:  Plays "Heart and Soul."  (Even one offense on this will brand you as a non serious musician forever)

[dougiedog]

My my... those last ones I'll have to admit will be a tiny bit offensive to many here.

34- Liberace...

35- Doesn't really see the difference between what he hears in his CD of Horowitz plays the Tchaikovsky concertos and the version he plays from "Classic themes for children"....  (Ugh, one of my ex-students)

I gotta ask, wahut was wrong with Liberace?  you know victor Borge used to sit on his bench backwards sometimes among other things. lol

[gerryjay]

what was wrong with Liberace?

nothing at all i should say.

[gerry]

116 She or He thinks that a clasically trainend pianist cant play jazz or blues
117 She or He think that Arrau will be the best ever
118 She or He spends 5 hours posting messages but spends 5 minutes practicing.

I think Arrau's Schumann interpretations are among the best ever.

[counterpoint]

153.  People who think, playing fast is the main problem for a pianist.

[dougiedog]

nothing at all i should say.

LOL the man did love his clothes. He did play very well though.

[Petter]

154. Someone who reasons in terms of good and bad based on biased opinions passed on by somebody else.

[gerryjay]

154. Someone who reasons in terms of good and bad based on biased opinions passed on by somebody else.

as the opinions sent forth in a forum? 

[dnephi]

155.  Thinks Liszt is empty show.

[point of grace]

nothing at all i should say.

ok! but if he´s happy... =P

[gerryjay]

ok! but if he´s happy... =P

i would say that he was much more than happy... 

 in time, i have nothing against liberace. he had a remarkable career in the entertainment industry, and as far as i know he never pretend to be more than this.

[bonjing]

156. Not a Piano Major

 

[mattgreenecomposer]

157.  Actually enjoys accompanying singers.

[gerryjay]

157.  Actually enjoys accompanying singers.

hey...i do!!! 

[point of grace]

158. They dont "say" nothing when they play

[rhapsody4]

159. Believes that the ending of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody #2 requires the most complex thought process known to man and calls it a "level 10 technique" that the likes of Rachmaninov, Hamelin and Horowitz had to fake because they do/did not have the ability to process the required 20 variables in order to play "40 confusing hand changes in 3 seconds".

[thalberg]

159. Believes that the ending of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody #2 requires the most complex thought process known to man and calls it a "level 10 technique" that the likes of Rachmaninov, Hamelin and Horowitz had to fake because they do/did not have the ability to process the required 20 variables in order to play "40 confusing hand changes in 3 seconds".

I love it.  Nice one! 

160.  Comes out to play the Tchaikovsky Bb concerto with an orchestra, splatters the first three chords and then throws up all over the keys.  (true story)

[rhapsody4]

161. Signs up to a piano forum website and occasionally leaves samples of their playing in the form of MIDI files or excerpts of professional performances and expects this to be enough to get da respekt, innit?

[counterpoint]

160.  Comes out to play the Tchaikovsky Bb concerto with an orchestra, splatters the first three chords and then throws up all over the keys.  (true story)

Who was that...? 




















Tschaikowsky? 

[Bob]

If they're not playing "big" pieces anymore.    I'm only able to do small ones now.  I fear I'm losing it.  I can't imagine devoting a few hours every day to just one piece and to do that for six months?   That would be all I did then for piano.  *sigh*  It makes me wonder if I'm not serious about it anymore.  Or not serious enough.

[mjin1]

159. Believes that the ending of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody #2 requires the most complex thought process known to man and calls it a "level 10 technique" that the likes of Rachmaninov, Hamelin and Horowitz had to fake because they do/did not have the ability to process the required 20 variables in order to play "40 confusing hand changes in 3 seconds".

Oh my god dude, did you see the argument on youtube? It's the most ignorant stupidity and just ridiculous legend crap I have ever seen.

For those who don't know apparently there's a youtube video of Rachmaninov actually playing the second hungarian rhapsody, and there's this massive comment argument about how people have to fake 'teh real ending' because it's just too hard.

The best is "Only a level 10 virtuoso or higher could actually play the real one" - A quote from one of them.

Just so ridiculous. I guess people just love to keep up that mentality that Liszt was somehow this immortal pianist and will remain so until the end of time.. I mean I like his stuff, but freaking Hungarian Rhapsody no2 is NOT the mystical unbeatable piece that these tards make it out to be.

[thalberg]

Who was that...? 

A friend of mine in graduate school said it happened in his undergrad.  It was a girl at his school.  She was quite nervous.

162.  Pronounces Liszt as "Litz" (true story)
163.  Announces that they "don't have any finger coordination." (true story)
164.  cleans the piano keys with baby wipes (true story--left them very gunky...okay these are all true stories)
165.  only plays the piano when drunk
166.  constantly announces that Mozart was a genius but has no idea why
167.  was not aware that grand pianos come in different sizes
168.  thinks all pianos sound the same
169.  cannot tell when a piano is out of tune
170.  walks into your house and drops their coat and backpack onto your grand piano (I almost died)
171.  Attempts to pass their piano exam by playing their scales one octave, one hand
172.  was not aware you have to practice every day to get good

[gerry]

173: Visits your house, observes your Bosie 225 and later tells friends that you have a beautiful baby grand in your living room.

[thalberg]

yes gerry for some people they're all babies.  I have had that experience too.

[point of grace]

166.  constantly announces that Mozart was a genius but has no idea why

oh, soo true! and with any composer too!!!

[soderlund]

174. Asks if you can play any of Chopin's symphonies on the piano.

Did happen...

[counterpoint]

174. Asks if you can play any of Chopin's symphonies on the piano.

Did happen...

oh! 

and not to forget all of his operas...

[cluster]

I don't agree with the one about people who can play but don't know about theory or history of music - some of the best pianists don't understand harmony or historical period at all. It's odd isn't it? 
 
Non-serious pianists always go around saying "The trouble is I don't practice enough"  or "If only I had more technique", whereas serious ones say "The trouble is I don't practice double thirds enough" or "If only I had more rallentando technique".  There's a subtle difference in the mental process there! 

[munkygurl]

also from 'all by myself' by whoever it's by

and also thinks that pachabel's canon in d maj was inspired by vitamin c's graduation song- story from yr10 when watching an australian movie on the vietnam war with nicole kidma in it made back in the 80's or something, the theme piece was pachabel's canon, and my friend goes 'why are they playing the graduation song...' and i'm like 'you moron it's a canon that was written several hundred years before the graduation song' but seriously how can you NOT know that?!

lol omg I hate it when people do that! It's so frustrating lol.... even worse, when they hear something and go, what song is that I've heard it before... umm just because it has a similar technique or chord progression or sounds vaguely familiar does not mean you've heard it before!!!! argh just letting go of some anger I can't describe to my friends when they do it to me

[keypeg]

How about the old "Drink milk" commercial, to which people would sing the milk lyrics, instead of "Freude, schoene Goetterfunken" ... um, maybe "drink milk, drink milk, drink milk" is easier to pronounce.