1000000 ways to recognize a person who is not a serious pianist.

[Hmoll]

36 - Thinks "Alberado del Grascioso" is a Mexican middle-weight.

[Piazzo22]

37. Thinks there are easy and difficult to play piano works.
38. Categorizes piano works by difficulty levels.
39. Thinks the composer was really worried about the level of "difficulty" of his work.

[m]

to recognize someone who acts big but who really doesn't have a clue about playing the piano:

Usually it is enough to listen to a couple notes played on instrument...

[Maui]

29 - Whoever is trying to learn without taking lessons (sorry, I think so)
 

What about Arturo Benedetti Michelangeli? The best in my opinion, specially for impressionism stuff

[Ludvig_Van_Me]

What about Arturo Benedetti Michelangeli? The best in my opinion, specially for impressionism stuff

I think some people resent people that haven't been through a strict piano routine from a young age like they have, and then try to scoff at them.

[Vivers]

- Looks at her piano teacher's bookshelf/library and thinks that she owns every piece of piano music ever composed.
- Asks her piano teacher if she's played every piece of piano music ever composed.

[dinosaurtales]

40.  Doesn't see any point in working on a piece if it's not just for "fun"

[ahmedito]

41- Sits on the piano and inmediately looks for the "on" button.

42- Is dissapointed to hear that the piano cant make "funkysynth" or "flutteryghosts", but only comes with one single boring sound effect.


....lighten up, these are getting a bit too serious for my taste....

[calidris]

43.  he/she who wonders why anyone would want that outer left pedal on a grand that makes you play your piece half a tone too high

[il4drifoglio]

46- prefers Fazioli pianos because of theirs paint jobs !

[Op. 1 No. 2]

47 - Wear grey robes.
48 - Worship the full moon.
48 - Live in the forest.

[Piazzo22]

49- Prefer Steinway pianos because everybody else is using them.
50- Prefer Evanescence because everybody else is listening to them.

[ChristmasCarol]

36.  After discussing your latest composition and their supposed total interest in it, you sit down to play it and they turn to someone else and begin talking. 

37.  They cannot bring themselves to complement someone else's playing.

38.  When asked to perform with other musicians, they do not bother to show up on time or be prepared to dig in.

39.  Stick with a lousy piano in their home.

40.  They can only play one composer well and continue to do so again and again in local public performances.

ALl of the above I have seen... more than once.

[Etude]

56. Upon entering a room whilst you are playing, they immediately shout "TURN IT OFF." 

57. Ask you to play something and then start plonking the keys at either the highest or lowest point of the keyboard.

58. Ask you to play something and interupt you asking you to play something else and not any of that classical ****.

59. Asks you to play "eye of the tiger," whatever that is, I think it's the thing with the repeated octaves.

60.  Arrives unprepared for a performance of some of the easiest music ever arranged, played on an electric keyboard with a "one fingered" melody in RH and
one note chord settings in the LH and a backing rhythm and still manages to mess it up.

61.  Tries to play the theme from "Titanic" on any random starting note with all white keys and still thinks it is right.

62.  Gets frustrated and envious of those who are better pianists but practises something like five minutes a week.

63.  Teaches pupils who come for piano lessons on an electric keyboard with the easiest music every written with a one fingered melody in RH and one note chord settings in the LH and a backing rhythm and makes them sight read through it at tediously slow speeds while they still make loads of mistakes and harshly criticises unconstructively and doesn't really care whether or not they improve.

64.  Thinks they know everything about music and tries to sound clever by correcting you with falsehoods that even they know is garbage but just aim to prove you wrong.

65.  Upon hearing a piece that a student has been working on for many weeks, says every lesson, "It needs a bit of work, that one."

66.  Locks you in the practice room. 

67.  Puts pupils through as many exams as possible regardless of their ability or readiness because they are paid more money.

68.  Pulls the power supply out of the electric piano while you are practicing. 

67.  Organizes concerts that are simply I bunch of talentless morons getting up and singing with no musical detail whatsoever and recieving a huge applause.

68.  Thinks that a hemiola is a disease.

69.  Thinks that a leitmotif is a light bulb.

70.  Spends years getting ready for a grade 5 exam and performs the music just as badly as at the beginning.

71.  Tries to play difficult music paying no attention to technique or musicality but just trying to make as much noise as possible.

72.  Thinks Bach is easy because there is no pedal used.

73.  Thinks that all classical music is Mozart.

74.  Thinks "Mozart" is spoken with English phonetics.

75.  Knows 3 composers: "Beethoven", "Mo-zart" and "Tchaikovsky."

76.  Steals music from you.

77. Doesn't have a piano.

78. Their 2 3 trills are as bad as my LH 5 4 trills.

(These all really happened BTW.)

[nose]

Stick with a lousy piano in their home

Doesn't have a piano

Don't agree with these two at all, I didn't have a piano until my mid teens and that didn't mean I was not serious. Plus not everyone has enough money or space, if you live where I do to, to afford a piano let alone a decent one or a grand, not nice if you are a serious pianist who can't afford a piano.

Sorry if I offended anyone by being serious for a moment.

79. Hits the piano when you are trying to practice, this happened many times when I used to practice at school.

[rafant]

Fernandito, Ludwig van Me and Maui, and whoever offended by my intervention above, please accept my humble apologies. It was not my purpose to offend anybody. Certainly I agree that this interesting thread is better replied with funny answers. Kind regards.

[nose]

Quote from CHAS:

and the guys who don't get all these indications that show that a person is not a pianist

 

[squinchy]

80. Plays Fur Elise in such a way that the note at the end of every phrase is nipped and the left hand's chords are always a beat or two behind the right hand, then tells you (when you're looking at them in a non-admiring way that they perceive as admiration) that they've "been working on it for a long time."

81. Asks if you can play any "real music."

82. Asks if you can play Heart and Soul with them, then tells you that you're messing it up when the song (it did originally have words, didn't it?) falls apart due to their lagging (or nonexistent) rhythm.

50- Prefer Evanescence because everybody else is listening to them.

What does Evanescence have to do with piano-fakery? </doesn't get it>

43.  he/she who wonders why anyone would want that outer left pedal on a grand that makes you play your piece half a tone too high

83. Had absolutely no idea that a grand has an outer left pedal. </that's me!>

[Glissando]

Who the apostrophe is Evanescence?!
LOL, you know I never even learned Fur Elise because everyone else played it so much....

84. thinks the greatest pieces of music ever written are Linus and Lucy and The Entertainer.

[squinchy]

Who the apostrophe is Evanescence?!

Evanescense is Amy Lee's band's name. It's kind of a optimistically dark rock group with good vocals (Amy Lee) and use of typically classical instruments, in my opinion.

[gyzzzmo]

I strongly object no.12:

this makes number 85: Someone who things you cant be a serious pianist if you dont know a lot about about music theory.

number 86: Someone who thinks Chopin's Etude no 2 op.10 can be played with his toes.

number 87: Someone who thinks 'Sonata Facile' is facile.

[Rach3]

I strongly object no.12:

this makes number 85: Someone who things you cant be a serious pianist if you dont know a lot about about music theory.

This makes #s. 88 and 89 for me:

88. Someone who thinks that 'music theory' is all 'theory' and superfluous to 'real music'.

89. Someone who knows nothing about music theory yet plays Beethoven and Schumann.

-------------

90. Someone who doesn't know whether a piano is in tune or not.

Sudden inspiration!

91. Someone who thinks 'cadence' and 'cadenza' are the same thing.

[steve]

Long, sometimes exquisitely manicured nails.

Hey, some people need them for guitar, you know... 

[Etude]

92.  Asks you what the fastest thing you can play is.

93.  Asks you how fast you can play a scale etc.
 
94.  Thinks Beethoven is a dog.   

95.  Thinks Beethoven is a rap artist.

96.  Says Bach as "Batch."

97.  Says Bach as "Back"

97.  Says Bach as "Bark"

98.  Says Chopin as "Choppin'"

99.  Refuses to play music of certain composers because of how they lived.

(all happened)

[mound]

100. Believes that a serious pianist should recognize that salsa, jazz, heavy metal, punk rock and rap are not valid means of musical expression.     

[ahmedito]

101- Say Chopin as "Pincho"

102-  Thinks that Fur Elise starts with a really slow trill....


These are both true by the way .... 

[Rach3]

103 - Thinks 'Fur Elise' starts with a really fast and virtuosic trill.

[jacobspauly]

104. Thinks that pieces like Ravel's Bolero are structually advanced.

105. Considers themselves advanced for playing Claie de Lune or Moonlight 1st movement

106. Thinks Cantabile is pronounced "Can't - a - bile"


Been there, done that.

[Etude]

103 - Thinks 'Fur Elise' starts with a really fast and virtuosic trill.

107.  Plays too many notes at the start of Fur Elise and breaks off abruptly into the rest of the piece, thinking it is clever to do so.

[Etude]

999893 still left to go

[Glissando]

94.  Thinks Beethoven is a dog.   

THAT IS NOT FUNNY!
I was playing some sonatina for my cousin a few years ago, and after I finished playing it I mentioned that Beethoven wrote it. He just stared at me like he thought I was mad and said, "but beethoven is a dog."
I almost died of horror.
Okay, in retrospect it was kinda funny. But I hope it never happens again!

[JimDunlop]

I think the most appropriate response if someone ever responds "But Beethoven is a dog..."  is to look them straight in the eye, and without flinching or batting an eyelid, with a perfectly serious expression say.  "Yes, Saint Bernards are amazing animals." 

Then, if your shocked party wants more information, enlighten them with quasi-scientific details of how scientists have been able to read and analyze the brain wave patterns of dogs and convert them into musical notation using super-sophisticated computers.

Now just wait until you hear this next piece that was written by a Peruvian pygmy goat!.......

[bernhard]

Hey, some people need them for guitar, you know... 

108. Believing that one can master the piano even if they let their nails grow to play the guitar as well.

[bernhard]

I think the most appropriate response if someone ever responds "But Beethoven is a dog..."  is to look them straight in the eye, and without flinching or batting an eyelid, with a perfectly serious expression say.  "Yes, Saint Bernards are amazing animals." 

Beethoven is a Saint Bern(h)ard.

There isa thought...

[chopinguy]

57. Ask you to play something and then start plonking the keys at either the highest or lowest point of the keyboard.

Ahhhh.... that gets so annoying!

109. Plays a "show-off" piece faster than he can handle just to show off to his friends.

 I've seen this one at my middle school talent show, he messed up march of the dwarves (grieg) in front of the whole school!  Played it fast, faster, messed up, and stopped.  Started again, playing even faster, notes mashing together, messed up, and stops again... etc.  nevertheless, almost everyone was still cheering for him.

[Etude]

110.  Thinks that you are just showing off when you play technically difficult music.

111.  Asks you how long it takes to be able to play every piece ever written.

112.  Starts to mock you by pretending to play the piano in thin air.

113.  Starts to play the piano just because you have to perform as coursework.

114.  writes in an exam:  "Beethoven expired in 1827, he later died because of this." 

[anda]

stops taking lessons when realizes how poorly paid his/her teahcer is (therefore how bad job this is)

[squinchy]

109. Plays a "show-off" piece faster than he can handle just to show off to his friends.

 I've seen this one at my middle school talent show, he messed up march of the dwarves (grieg) in front of the whole school!  Played it fast, faster, messed up, and stopped.  Started again, playing even faster, notes mashing together, messed up, and stops again... etc.  nevertheless, almost everyone was still cheering for him.

I've witnessed worse at my elementary school talent show. A fourth grader messed up the accompaniment to Heart and Soul in front of the whole school. It wouldn't be so bad if he were playing the melody with the other hand-for someone that age, I'd think it impressive even with a few slipups. The kid was playing the accompaniment as fast as he could (which tended to vary) while our music teacher (who is amazing) was playing the melody.

Wait--actually, that's not the worst.

At my junior high (-enormous- difference from middle school [j/k])'s talent show last year, one of my classmates played the main theme of K331's rondo really really fast, and continued to repeat it about five times without the other themes in between, each faster than the last. Impressive to most, but not really to me.

[steve]

108. Believing that one can master the piano even if they let their nails grow to play the guitar as well.

True! I could by no means consider myself a serious pianist, regardless of how much time I might devote to it.  It's not something I am going to pursue a career in (and am already at uni anyway, so the option is no longer open, in any case); but playing the piano is definitely a very fulfilling hobby that I'd want to pursue as long as my fingers permit... and I get to do that without all the stress of performance that real musicians have to put up with

[pianonut]

#115  enters a competition entitled "world competition for amateur pianists" thinking that if he/she wins he/she will have an international career.

#116  wins the competition for amateur pianists and immediately applies to get their hands bronzed for later adulation.

now, i'm all for the competition because there's probably more "you go first" attitude.  and, none of that stuck up stuff.  but, have you ever wondered if the nice guy finishes last or first in that competition?

[presto agitato]

116 She or He thinks that a clasically trainend pianist cant play jazz or blues
117 She or He think that Arrau will be the best ever
118 She or He spends 5 hours posting messages but spends 5 minutes practicing.

[vivacelife]

This is funny...lol
On the other hand, what are the ways that you recognize YOURSELF as a pianist? How do YOU define that? What are your reasons? Who can decide?

[ricwyk]

119 only knows pieces that one plays for piano exams
120 thinks music is nothing but beautiful noises.

[chopinguy]

120 thinks music is nothing but beautiful noises.

Yes, music theory is very extremely enlightening! 

[Troldhaugen]

36 - when someone says "I' don't like Bach's music because it's boring."

[Glissando]

36 - when someone says "I' don't like Bach's music because it's boring."

oooohhh.
that one is soooooo annoying. I've heard it said soooo many times!!!

[Etude]

36 - when someone says "I' don't like Bach's music because it's boring."

Read the second page, this is actually no. 121.

[Troldhaugen]

Oops...I didn't know there was a second page....thanks for the correction!

[jbmajor]

Has to look at the keys when playing scales, or worse, doesn't know even the basic major/minor scales. 

[Sasha42196]

36.  Spelling Rachmaninoff as Rockmaninoff

37.   Complaining that moving a piano is harder than playing one.