1000000 ways to recognize a person who is not a serious pianist.

[ahmedito]

Dabblers, debutantes... people who act like they play but dont. Here 1000000 ways  taken from real life preferably with which to recognize someone who acts big but who really doesn't have a clue about playing the piano:

1- Believes Fur Elise is the Everest of piano repertoire, only second to the moonlight sonata.

2- When playing the third movement of the moonlight, will play the left hand in C major and and right hand in C# minor without realizing something is wrong. (This actually happened in an audition at mi older conservatoire, needless to say the tone-deaf interpreter was stopped after 6 measures)...

(Feel free to continue:)

[ahmedito]

3- Calls piano music "songs".

[chromatickler]

4- if they is not a membah of DA SDC

[Nina_too]

5- Thinks Rachmaninoff's 3rd Concerto is called the "Mach 3".  (True story)

6- Thinks Chopin was gay because he dedicated music to George Sand.

[drooxy]

Thinks Richard Clayderman is a classical pianist !

 

[Floristan]

Is surprised to learn that Rachmaninoff did not get the idea for the 2nd Piano Concerto from the song, "Full Moon and Empty Arms."   

[ahmedito]

9- When asked: Do you know any Bach? Proceeds to play the first measures of the tocatta in d minor and the Minuet in G from Anne Magdalenes notebook.... (This was me when I was still a trumpet player and playing the piano profesionally is far away in the future.

(By the way, I think this is the best way to see if a pianist is actually what he says he is. Ask him to play some Bach.)

[Nina_too]

These are great!  I laughed out loud at several of them... particularly Floristan's!!  

[ahmedito]

10- Sits the wrong way on the piano bench...

[Op. 1 No. 2]

11 - Has a bad sense of fashion.

[TheRach]

10- Sits the wrong way on the piano bench...

Glenn Gould. Need I say more?

[e60m5]

RE: Mach3...

He was right, after all.

[rlefebvr]

Asks Bernard what it takes to be a serious  pianist........

[abe]

LOL Mach 3. I was there LIVE when that thread came out. I quote from one of the responses:

"This is the most horrible thread I have ever seen"


...so true. That was quite a funny moment. Good times.

--Abe

[Tash]

Is surprised to learn that Rachmaninoff did not get the idea for the 2nd Piano Concerto from the song, "Full Moon and Empty Arms."

also from 'all by myself' by whoever it's by

and also thinks that pachabel's canon in d maj was inspired by vitamin c's graduation song- story from yr10 when watching an australian movie on the vietnam war with nicole kidma in it made back in the 80's or something, the theme piece was pachabel's canon, and my friend goes 'why are they playing the graduation song...' and i'm like 'you moron it's a canon that was written several hundred years before the graduation song' but seriously how can you NOT know that?!

[Daniel_piano]

12 - when can play the piano with perfect and amazing technique but doesn't know anything about theory and music

[Floristan]

Thinks playing on the black keys is really, really hard.

[chickering9]

9- When asked: Do you know any Bach? ...

I object to number 9.  Some of us could doubtless
play Bach if we chose to, but just don't like his work
at all and choose not to learn any of his work.  Life's
too short for liver and onions, "reality" TV, and Bach.

[JK]

how to recognise someone who is trying to be a serious pianist......they start a thread about how to recognise people who aren't serious pianists.

But really have you nothing better to do than to poke fun. This is, in my opinion, exactly the sort of attitude that puts people off from classical music and getting serious about an instrument. A lot of people wouldn't know what Rach3 was, we all do because we know the piece and some may even be able to play it, however if you come from a background where you are not at all exposed to classical music then you wouldn't really have a hope in hell of knowing. Most of the things in this thread are things that probably a lot of us did similar things to when we first started out, I for one used to think that pieces with black notes in were hard, that was when I was 5, now 13 years on things are different but I had to start out somewhere. Please don't aim comments at people who aren't as well educated in music as you all are, it is unfair and is a very damaging attitude to take as it repels people from classical music, enhancing the impression that it is elitist, which is something that is very damaging and that we acnnot afford to do.

[abe]

Someone just always has to make everything controversial.

I'm sure the thread starter had no malicious intent when coming up with this fun topic, and it's not hurting anyone because I seriosly doubt any non-pianists or non-musicians would be regularly reading these forums.

[JK]

Someone just always has to make everything controversial.

Oh so you think I'm deliberately going out of my way to be controversial do you?! well I can tell you I have better things to do with my time then to deliberately wind up a bunch of people I don't know. I said what I said because that is what I think, if you think this makes this topic controversial then to be honest I don't give a monkeys.

[pianolotus]

Glenn Gould. Need I say more?

you got beef with glenn gould?!?!?!

does wayne brady need to slap a b****

[Sketchee]

It's a funny thread ... it's joking just examples of pianist's extreme Cultural bias, but I just hope no one really really expects every classical pianist to play Bach, Rach or Mach ... 

[Ludvig_Van_Me]

12 - when can play the piano with perfect and amazing technique but doesn't know anything about theory and music

/Gulp             

[xenon]

13 - Pronounces Bach "Batch"

[lostinidlewonder]

13 - Plays with index fingers only, or the incredibly solid knuckles hand formation!!!

[Tash]

yes cultural bias, we are all musical snobs and will pay out others who don't know as much. but people in other areas i'm sure will pay us out in return for being ignorant about what they do, so in the end it balances out. i'm quite happy for people to pay me out for my lack of knowledge if i haven't even bothered getting my facts straight in the first place.
nothing is ever restricted to one area, it's in all of them and everything has parallels!

[Flavia]

Hello all!!

I dont think that Fernandito started this with any malice ofcourse but yet what JK wrote gives me a chance to open my heart!!!!!!!

Well here I m, an unexposed bug in ur world and franknly i have hardly any knowledge of classical music and very limited resources to get any except my dear net and Forums like this.

All that matters to me is I WANT TO PLAY PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!!! well the heights of the tragedy reach to this point that i dont even have one and i practice on a keyboard Casio CTK 457 (five Octaves)and learn from |John Thiomson book and Changs version downloadede from net .

I joined forum and have been and inert member for a long time many times i get depressed for the lack of knowledge but then its not my fault its my destiny as i bet there is not a single full time pianist with depth in my whole town of population 27 lakhs!!

I m still hope ful that i will play well buy a piano and play all Beethoven and mozart and bach and know all the stuff that u talk!!!!!!!!!

[il4drifoglio]

13. he thinks that the best way to play legato is lowering the right pedal 

[Ludvig_Van_Me]

13. he thinks that the best way to play legato is lowering the right pedal 

"HE"!?     and............/Gulp (again)

[xvimbi]

13. he thinks that the best way to play legato is lowering the right pedal 

13. she thinks that the best way to play legato never involves the right pedal 

[hodi]

playing pop songs with cords in the left hand and some 5 note melody in the right hand!

[anda]

best (easiest) way: thinks anyone with a good technique must/will be a great pianist.

[allchopin]

16.  Posts on a piano forum instead of playing 

[adrian]

Dabblers, debutantes... people who act like they play but dont. Here 1000000 ways  taken from real life preferably with which to recognize someone who acts big but who really doesn't have a clue about playing the piano:

1- Believes Fur Elise is the Everest of piano repertoire, only second to the moonlight sonata.

2- When playing the third movement of the moonlight, will play the left hand in C major and and right hand in C# minor without realizing something is wrong. (This actually happened in an audition at mi older conservatoire, needless to say the tone-deaf interpreter was stopped after 6 measures)...

(Feel free to continue:)

I think everyone thought that Fur Elise was the peak of playing at oNe stage?

[randolph]

you got beef with glenn gould?!?!?!

i sincerely hope not.  interpretation = 50% of music.  gould recognized he wasn't just playing bach's music, he was sharing it equally with him.  an audience has no interest in reading a bach suite from the sheet music, as they have little interest in joe-nobody on the piano about to perform it.  However, Joe-nobody with a fantastic interpretation+Bach score = Beauty. 

[ahmedito]

Dont like it? Start a different thread and tell us why, but please dont clutter this one up. Are you easily offended? well... if the shoe fits. Some of the ones Ive posted are things I did myself at some point. If you bother to read you will see that some of them are actually about me.... Please, I hate it when people start arguing over who is right and who is wrong. Just post a joke and laugh at the other ones please. Some are quite funny.

Here are some others (all true stories):

17- Thinks a synth is suitable replacement for a piano, even better since it can make 1001 sounds (thats me some years ago )

18- After hearing a particularily great concert goes up to Daniel Barenboim and asks him what he does for a "real job". (since it really is impossible to make a living as a musician)

19- After hearing a great concert goes up to Evgeny Kissin and asks him where he can download that song (Beethoven 5th concerto) for his mobile phone. (This one happened a few weeks ago).

[JK]

Dont like it? Start a different thread and tell us why, but please dont clutter this one up. Are you easily offended? well... if the shoe fits. Some of the ones Ive posted are things I did myself at some point. If you bother to read you will see that some of them are actually about me.... Please, I hate it when people start arguing over who is right and who is wrong.

hahaha well funnily enough I was about to reply and say that i wasn't accusing anybody of being unfair, and that I didn't think the person who started this thread was doing so maliciously, but now I can't help but be a little annoyed. Just because i have a different view about the content of this thread and feel that it is possibly harmful to some people I am told to *** off and post elsewhere in another thread. I think that what i said has most relevance to this thread and pardon me for having a difference of opinion. I wasn't delibertately arguing or being controversial, I was giving an opinion and being honest, i have better things to do than to start arguments with people I cannot even see, if you don't like my opinoin then don't read it and don't take any notice, I am not going stop posting my opinions simply because you don't like them. If people didn't share their opinions then the world would be an incredibly uninteresting place and everyone would be stuck with just they're own thoughts.

Are you easily offended? well... if the shoe fits.

umm, no I'm not easilly offended bit if I have a strong opinion about something then I give it, if you don't like this then I really don't care. I do not like your suggestion that i am not a serious pianst, you know nothing about me or anyone else really on this forum, if you did then you wouldn't say that quite so easilly.

I'm sure you'll be happy to know that that's all I'm going to say on the matter, if you choose to read what i wrote before and try to understand what i said then that would be rather nice, however if you want to continue accusing me of ruining the fun and being controversial for the sake of it, then go ahead.

[jazzyprof]

(By the way, JK, lighten up. )

20.  Blushes when someone talks about "fingering" a piece.

[pies]

­

[bernhard]

Long, sometimes exquisitely manicured nails.

[chas]

and the guys who don't get all these indications that show that a person is not a pianist

OK, I am just a wanna be, but I enjoy the joke and am learning all the time

[ThomasBecket]

Identified with Elton John when he got to play the piano for Diana's funeral.  Thought it was really cool and that the rest of the music sucked.

[Sketchee]

25.  Thinks they can easily recognize who is not a "serious" pianist and makes a list about it

26.  Wonders what this "list" is that everyone is talking about and what it has to do with hungarian rhapsody.

[rafant]

28 - Anybody practicing 2 or 3 days in a week or only during weekends

29 - Whoever is trying to learn without taking lessons (sorry, I think so)

30 - Anybody whose playing is really bad, but who makes lot of mannered gestures (lisztian emulation looks good only for acomplished pianists)

31 - Anybody learning simplified versions of classical piano repertoire
 

[rafant]

I skipped a number, but here it is:

27 - When I was an absolute beginner I had a teacher who wanted I practiced in a rambling, almost dumb and filthy piano, saying it was advisable for learning.

Next, #32.

[calidris]

32.  Everyone who says he/she will be playing Fur Elise and then only plays the main theme. 

33. Everyone who sits down at an acoustic piano and asks where the on/off button is (true story!)

[ahmedito]

My my... those last ones I'll have to admit will be a tiny bit offensive to many here.

34- Liberace...

35- Doesn't really see the difference between what he hears in his CD of Horowitz plays the Tchaikovsky concertos and the version he plays from "Classic themes for children"....  (Ugh, one of my ex-students)

[bravuraoctaves]

Not that I have anything against people who are not serious,

.........

I can think of a few, but I've done all of them.

(embarassed)

[ahmedito]

Learn to laugh at yourself.... we were all pianistically stupid once.