Stupid things non-musicians say to us

[mila5405]

When i read that topic, i just felt that my mother is takling with me, one day i had i concert Chopin, Lisz, Beethoven and Rachmaninov, she just isked , why dont you play love story ??,, by the way the program included La Campanella, chopins Scherzo no.1 etc. and other dificult things, she is an idiot!

[penguinlover]

I was practicing a Rach piece the other day at church.  An older man came up to me and asked ""Don't you wish you had the hands of a 20 year old?  They aren't as stiff!" I was very annoyed, my hands aren't stiff.  Maybe his are, but mine aren't.  I rather like the way I play now verses when I was 20!  He is not a musician, and didn't appreciate his comments.

[prongated]

...hmmm last week there's a televised talent quest, judges consisting of all Australian celebs. A 15 y.o. boy played the Chopin Etude op. 10 no. 4 [...for all it's 2 minutes' worth, they cut 30 seconds out!]. In the end, one of the judges [forgot his name - links with Man from the Snowy River apparently] asked: "How many notes, in your opinion, were wrong?" Danni Minogue: "You are very cute and very talented..." In that order.

No need to think hard what he's going to play in the next round. On the other hand, first prize of this quest is worth $250,000 I think. That's more than what you get for winning an international competition [excluding the engagements etc. that is]

To return to the thread topic, here's a couple:

"What's the hardest piece...?"
"What's the greatest piece...?"

"What's the saddest thing" about this is arguably that these are examples of stupid things that are said to us not only by NON-musicians...

Best,

Alistair

Perhaps a thread on the most hilarious comments musicians make to fellow musicians? Or the most interesting analogies teachers make to their students in lessons/masterclasses?

e.g. John Perry in a masterclass on the coda of the exposition of Appassionata 1st movt: "[the way you play it] sounds like a construction zone"

[ce nedra]

My teacher once told a student something to the effect of "you sound like a nun dying of cancer"...

The othe day another student was complaining about his weight  so my teacher said to him "God Jean, you have cello hips, but not quite contrabass hips yet" 

[ail]

I once told a teacher of mine that playing Chopin's Op.64 n.2 without strictly by the metronome was like a wooded man dancing. He found that pretty funny.

[danny elfboy]

Great topic. One we can all relate to I am sure....
My first an formost annoyance is having to justify my studies to those who don't consider any art a true profession. Its the mentality that if one doesn't hate their job then its not real work. From some I get - good luck with your ventures but  from others I usually get -why bother with something that won't guarentee you loads and loads of money.
This mentality I find is more of an American point of view as I have been living in Europe and I don't get nearly as many confused expressions such as 

I can understand how you hate such mentality, it's hideous
I live in Europe and it's like the opposite for me, people think that art is harder than other matters and when I say I study in a conservatory they're like "wow, that's so tough ... you've such a courage to pursue such hard studies"

[gerry]

Oh, you play the piano - do you know "Symphony" by Beethoven? or do you know "Concerto" by Tchaikowsky? uh, sorry - I gave the orchestra the night off!
If you're in a particlarly bitchy mood, just think of the possibilities when asked "oh just play your favorite" ... 

[wotgoplunk]

The worst ones are when they say:

"Oh, do you know that song?"
"Which one?"
"You know, that one by Mozart."

Or:

"Can you play Fur Elise?! I love that song!"

[amelialw]

Oh my uncle, my mom's youngest brother once wanted to help me get a job to be a classical pianist at a hotel. I asked him how many pieces I needed and he said 100. I told him it would be practically impossible for me to do that job then because I was already spending 4 hrs a day on the piano. He told me, no problem, you can just sight read pieces. Sight reading is ok, but sight reading classical pieces of my level and playing them is crazy.

[gerry]

I don't know how many pieces I could have at my command (I'm a better than average sight reader) - it's possible I could actually come up with 100; HOWEVER, that number would be CONSIDERABLY reduced after I filtered out those pieces I would consider too noble to be played as background to dinner or lobby conversation!

[amelialw]

oh which reminds me...a 1 of my friends comes to my house pretty often, in general she's ok. Sometimes though she'll be like this do you know this classical piece and then she'll hum bits and pieces of it.

Others have come to me and asked me to play random pieces like Beethoven's 5th symphony and all that stuff

[thalberg]

Yeah, one time someone asked me to  play the Barber Adagio.

[imbetter]

the 2 stupidest:

my friend: hey can you play fur Elise?
*imbetter plays fur elise*
my friend: what are the words?

2:

my moms friend: why dont you play mozarts A minor concerto?
me: .................................

[minor9th]

After playing a contemporary piece:

"Is it supposed to sound like that?"

[lau]

the things i hear all the time are "you don't need lessons, don't you know everything already"?

"how do you move your fingers so fast?"

"god has given you a great gift"

"don't stop taking lessons"

and then once in a while i will get the story about how they quit lessons and now the regret it.

I was talking with my  friend and he thinks that mozarts turkish march and fur elise are the greatest pieces of all time.  and he also thinks that the blindfold pianist guy who plays those mario peices...he thinks that is harder then when i play volodos turkish march. it just makes me depressed.

[amelialw]

lol one of my cousin's, heard me perform at church, I think I played Haydn Sonata in D major and she was like that sounds really good and then started talking about the blindfolded mario pianist.
Alot of people I know, well at least the kids and teens all think that playing mario is wayy harder then playing Bach or a Classical Sonata

[mike_lang]

While crafting the songlike theme on the second page of Chopin's Op. 61 Polonaise-Fantasie, an employee of the school at which I was practicing: "You sound like Liberace, man!"

[gerry]

I don't know how many times guests have come to the house, taken a look at the Bosey 225 and asked, "is that a baby grand" or later commented to others, "he has a beautiful baby grand in his living room!".

[amelialw]

I just hate it when people (usually relatives or distant friends) can't seem to understand how much work goes into taking ARCT exams.

I say "no, I have to practice" and they go  "oh you're so good, you'll ace the exam..."
like they actually know...

Lol...the same goes for me, i'm prepping for my ARCT performer's exam in june next year.

Once 2 of my 2nd cousins were chatting in the car with me while we were on our way to a IMAX theater. Suddenly one of the boys said: "Hey Amy, you're not going to school this year rite? It must be like a holiday everyday? You're so lucky!"
Me: "Yeah right! I have to spend as much time as you guys spend in school on music"
Cousin: "Just on the piano? that's like so boring but cool"
Me: " No, I have to do written exams too you know"
Cousin: " What written exams?"
Me: "Music history, theory and others"
Cousin: "Gross" The other cousin" Eww..."

Another time I was chatting with a friend in school. She asked me how I was, I said just the same as usual. She then started talking about how busy she would be after uni started. Friend: " You lucky butt, you don't have school for a whole year!"
Me: "Yeah right"
Friend: " Oh yeah, you have piano lessons and some of those music history lessons or something right?"
Me: "yeah"
Friend: " So you're gonna be really free?"
I start telling her how many hours I have to spend on the piano, harmony, music history etc...and she just keeps quiet after that.

[thalberg]

I don't know how many times guests have come to the house, taken a look at the Bosey 225 and asked, "is that a baby grand" or later commented to others, "he has a beautiful baby grand in his living room!".

That would make me SO MAD!!!!!!

One time a doctoral student in psychology stopped me in the library parking lot.  I had books stacked all the way up both arms.  She said "what are you doing" and I said "getting ready for my doctoral comprehensive exams"

Then she said, "It just seems so weird to me that there could be a whole book written just about music."

(My arms were full of about 20 of them.)

So I turned around and said "see that building over there?  That's the music library."  LOL

[thalberg]

I don't know how many times guests have come to the house, taken a look at the Bosey 225 and asked, "is that a baby grand" or later commented to others, "he has a beautiful baby grand in his living room!".

Also, it wouldn't hurt to correct them by saying, "It's a semi-concert grand.  Baby grands are much smaller"

People love to say "baby grand" though.  They just love  it.

Though, gerry, I once knew a woman who studied violin at Juilliard from the age of 7 till the age of 21 and she did not know pianos came in different sizes.  She honestly thought all grands were the same size.  w.t.f.  LOL!!!

Another thing that happens to me....."Oh this is my brother, he has a Ph.D in music."

I just don't even correct people anymore.....(I have a DMA).......I just let them say Ph.D -- it gets too tiring to correct all the time.

[jlh]

People love to say "baby grand" though.  They just love  it.

HAHA funny story.  I had my first lesson with this well-known teacher in her home.  I had taken lessons for 4 years but this was the first with this teacher.  I saw her piano and said "cool, you have a baby grand?"

She had a look of horror on her face and sternly said, "no!  it's a grand, not a baby grand"

Though, gerry, I once knew a woman who studied violin at Juilliard from the age of 7 till the age of 21 and she did not know pianos came in different sizes.  She honestly thought all grands were the same size.  w.t.f.  LOL!!!

How is that even possible??  OMG!

Another thing that happens to me....."Oh this is my brother, he has a Ph.D in music."

I just don't even correct people anymore.....(I have a DMA).......I just let them say Ph.D -- it gets too tiring to correct all the time.

That happens to me and I am not even in a DMA program yet!  I tell people I will continue studying after masters and sometimes they will try to finish my statement by saying "you're going to get your Ph. D?" 

[gerry]

Oddly enough, the term used to describe the Bosey 225 (7'4") is "half-concert". Not sure where that came from but it was used at the time I bought it.

[thalberg]

Oddly enough, the term used to describe the Bosey 225 (7'4") is "half-concert". Not sure where that came from but it was used at the time I bought it.

I like jlh's idea of just calling it a "grand" not a baby grand.  Or you could just look at them and say "this piano is 7 and a half feet long--what's your definition of 'baby?'"

[thalberg]

How is that even possible??  OMG!

Ohhh.....this woman redefined the idea of a flake.....geesh...but she sure could play.


That happens to me and I am not even in a DMA program yet!  I tell people I will continue studying after masters and sometimes they will try to finish my statement by saying "you're going to get your Ph. D?" 

Get ready for a lifetime of that, Josh!! It will never stop.  Basically, I never use the term DMA anymore.  I just say "doctorate" so they don't ask, "what's a DMA?"  If they fill it in as a Ph.D. I just figure who cares.  But if anyone presses the issue, I just say, well,not all doctorates are Ph.D's--take M.D.'s for example.

However, Josh, if there is ANY way I could talk you out of the doctorate, I would like to do so.  You may PM me if you like.  You are what--25 years old?  Your life isn't ruined yet.  If I can help you salvage it, I would like to.  Of course, there are indeed very specific circumstances where a DMA is okay.  You must meet the following criteria:

1.  Your program has light academics so you will actually get to practice
2.  You know you can graduate debt-free (no pianist's salary will ever pay back a student loan)
3.  You have a great piano teacher, and the school will give you classroom teaching experience too
4.  You have a niche market in mind for your teaching--for example, small Christian colleges, conservatory prep departments, or something else.  Standard college jobs are TOUGH to get unless you've won BIG competitions (have you?  I wouldn't be surprised)
5.  You are either born rich, or willing to take a lifetime vow of poverty/financial stress

I am 30 years old, and in the last 3 years I've had well over half a dozen friends finish DMA's--if you'd like me to tell you what they're all up to, let me know.  Not all have bad stories, though many do.  I can tell you their qualifications, how long it took them to find jobs, what jobs they found, and how much they're making.

[gerry]

I think what it boils down to is the great unwashed just think that anything in a concert hall is a grand and anything in a home is a baby grand.  

[thalberg]

I think what it boils down to is the great unwashed just think that anything in a concert hall is a grand and anything in a home is a baby grand.  

Yes, and all pianists look up to liberace.

At every family gathering, everyone comes up to me and says "oh I've got this amazing video on Liberace, you must see it!"

[gerry]

Don't knock the big L - because of the limited choice of channels he introduced many more people to much better music in the early TV days than anyone's doing now (plus he made a hell of a lot more money that you or me) Seriously though, this put me in mind of early TV (yes, I'm that old) and the Bell Telephone Hour (who could forget Eileen Farrell singing "The Birth of the Blues", Voice of Firestone, etc., such noble beginnings. Think of how we'd be if two generations had continued to be exposed to music in this way - they might even know the difference between a baby grand and a concert grand.

[cygnusdei]

 - How many instruments can you play?

I only play the piano.

- Oh.

[thalberg]

- How many instruments can you play?

I only play the piano.

- Oh.

Yes!! And then, after you play something extremely virtuosic like the Goldberg Variations......

"So do you compose?"

"No."
".......oh"

[pianowolfi]

I think some of the most stupid things about music I heard from Eurythmists during my time as a Eurythmy accompanist. Once I was supposed to play a 3/4 time piece and the Eurythmist adviced me to play one-two-three-rest, one-two-three-rest, without realizing that this makes it turn into a 4/4 . Once I played the second variation of Beethoven's op. 109, 3d mvt in the class of another Eurythmist. She told me to play something "less squeaky" because it would make the students fidgety. Argh

[gyzzzmo]

Yes!! And then, after you play something extremely virtuosic like the Goldberg Variations......

"So do you compose?"

"No."
".......oh"

Or, if you play chopin Fantasy-impromptu.....

"I saw a 5 year old play that on YouTube!"

"Oh."


Opposing things happen too: I sometimes i play in a Cafe-restaurant for fun. Usually i play some simple light classical stuff or pop oldies. Some shabby old guy came to me and asked, "you play great, can you play Horowitz' variation on Liszt's second Hungarian Rhapsody?"

Funny chap....

[pianochick93]

I was attempting to teach my sister piano one day, and I showed her a book with some pieces by Mozart, Grieg, Beethoven, Bach etc. I say to her 'The composers in this book are a few of the greatest composers in music history' and she looks at me and says 'what about shakespeare? Why isn't he there?'

Also I had another musician tell me that when I played piano my face looked like a constipated bulldog...my faces are a great source of amusement to my friends.

[thalberg]

I think some of the most stupid things about music I heard from Eurythmists during my time as a Eurythmy accompanist. Once I was supposed to play a 3/4 time piece and the Eurythmist adviced me to play one-two-three-rest, one-two-three-rest, without realizing that this makes it turn into a 4/4 .

ROFL!!!

[Etude]

Some people seem to be incapable of thinking outside of 4/4.

[sheena]

I once heard a guy in my class tell his friend that he wanted Fur Elise as a ring signal on his mobile phone. And she replied "Fur Elise, what is that?" Then my class mate said "You know, the one by Mozart".
The people in my class seem to know nothing about classical music..

[instromp]

I once heard a guy in my class tell his friend that he wanted Fur Elise as a ring signal on his mobile phone. And she replied "Fur Elise, what is that?" Then my class mate said "You know, the one by Mozart".
The people in my class seem to know nothing about classical music..

ROFL, wow.

[pianochick93]

I was playing Ronda Alla Turca earlier today, and my little sister said 'That's Beethoven isn't it?'

'Errrrr....NO'

[cygnusdei]

I once heard a guy in my class tell his friend that he wanted Fur Elise as a ring signal on his mobile phone. And she replied "Fur Elise, what is that?" Then my class mate said "You know, the one by Mozart".
The people in my class seem to know nothing about classical music..

No, Mozart wrote the Elvira Madigan.

nyuk nyuk nyuk....

[dana_minmin]

I had similar experiences to some of the previous posts:

"Can you play the Butterfly Lovers?"
"well... I play the piano."


One of my non-musician friend went to a music shop with me, where there's a showroom for pianos. A girl keeps playing the famous theme from Fur Elise, again and again , theme only. My friend said to me "wow~ she's cool!"
 

[Bob]

No, Mozart wrote the Elvira Madigan.

nyuk nyuk nyuk....

Gee, I thought the Oak Ridge Boys wrote that. 

(Bob mumbles words because he doesn't know them)... lips like cherry wine.... (more mumbling)  Oh yes... Eyes that look like heaven, lips like cherry wine....

Yeah, the Oak Ridge boys wrote that one.  Not Mosssssart.     Duh. 

My heart's on fire... for Elvira!   

Think I found my next solo piano recital piece.     Would be more appropriate to punch that out just with the index fingers or to tap the foot awkward like a metronome?  Or both maybe, do you think?  Show them that you practiced and play it like a march... on the PIE-annie. 

(Bob puts the sharp Knife of Sarcasm away now.) 



(... but not before quickly chopping after some lingering doubts with a butcher knife.  Chop, chop, chop!) 

[remy]

Yeah, one time someone asked me to  play the Barber Adagio.

I wouldn't consider that stupid at all.

There's a lovely piano solo arrangement by John Gribben.


remy

[Etude]

Next time someone asks you to play the Barber Adagio, play the Barber Sonata.

[thalberg]

Next time someone asks you to play the Barber Adagio, play the Barber Sonata.

Haha that would be hilarious.

Actually sometimes it is really funny to play clashing things for non-musicians.  The reactions are priceless.

[csharp_minor]

So funny the stories on this thread! lol !

I haven't been playing long, 9 months. So I geuss I'm making the transition from a non-musical person to a musical one.

I was watching Lang Lang perfrom on the Proms this year on the tv, and I had the volume quite high. I think he was playing a Lizst piece.

When I came out of my bedroom my dad said 'was that you playing?'

( my piano is in my bedroom, its a digital one )

I said ' no dad it wasn't me playing,...I wish it was though' lol


Like my digital piano has the beautiful sound of a Steinway!
I'm too scared to have my piano cds on loud now in case they think its me!
 

[aewanko]

So funny the stories on this thread! lol !

I haven't been playing long, 9 months. So I geuss I'm making the transition from a non-musical person to a musical one.

I was watching Lang Lang perfrom on the Proms this year on the tv, and I had the volume quite high. I think he was playing a Lizst piece.

When I came out of my bedroom my dad said 'was that you playing?'

( my piano is in my bedroom, its a digital one )

I said ' no dad it wasn't me playing,...I wish it was though' lol


Like my digital piano has the beautiful sound of a Steinway!
I'm too scared to have my piano cds on loud now in case they think its me!
 

Somewhat the same to me.

One night, while I played the Adagio of Beethoven's Emperor Concerto on another computer, my mom said "Was that you?"

I was DUMBfounded. Where in the world could I hire an orchestra and have a grand piano (I only have 61 key digital)?

---------------------------------
While playing a segment of Scriabin's Vers la Flamme (the tremolo section), my mom (AGAIN THE CRITIC!) said "Is that music?"

People seem to think that classical music is all about Mozart and his Rondo alla Turca and Beethoven's Fur Elise as well as Bach's Minuet in G. They think that classical music is bouncy, soft and nice and anything loud, dissonant and atonal is considered crap.

[pianochick93]

I have a stupid thing that a musician said...

In music we were discussing musicals and stuff like that, and we had a sheet with all these different terms on it, one of which was 'vaudeville'
This guy took one look at it and said, 'That isn't how you spell Vivaldi!'

I almost cried...

[communist]

my mom saying" what was that song you were playing that went like du du do du dede "

or someone in my school ( awhile back ) saying " i play fur elise, and some other random pop songs "

[Petter]

Like yea I really hate when people who doesn´t know anything about music say lame stupid things about music, like they would know, they have like no right to say anything, they´re stupid and ignorant and I mean really, they should learn to play an instrument, I don´t find people worthy talking to unless they can master eighteen voices in counterpoint while meassuring the exact cent of every note on a 97 key bosendorfer, I mean for god sakes c´mon 

[csharp_minor]

Somewhat the same to me.

One night, while I played the Adagio of Beethoven's Emperor Concerto on another computer, my mom said "Was that you?"

I was DUMBfounded. Where in the world could I hire an orchestra and have a grand piano (I only have 61 key digital)?

That is funny! is your piano even in the same room as the computer!? Can't we listen to our cds in peace without people thinking its us!