hmmm ... well, one thing I doubt is that anybody became truly great at what they do by ignoring themselves and their instincts completely. Along the lines of that topic is one of my current, foremost curiosities. Instincts seem to me to be something that is perhaps already inside of each of us, and in many ways they are probably unique to us individually in the specificity of them. And, I wonder if they are changeable? I mean, can you really train an instinct to be something that it's not? So, are instincts and learned intellect something different than one another? Maybe those guys already actually know everything in the world and they are teaching us? Like I said, it's a curiosity at the time. I mean, no matter what, I think, we want to continue gaining experience. AND, I think it's fair to say that not all instincts should be listened to without intellect stepping in.
My soul can not possibly wait until I am 90 to be a concert pianist. Lately though, I think something like "I don't have career goals, I have artistic goals" ... but, I wonder if secretly that is just masked doubt or so. I mean, maybe it's only a half truth ... but then again, maybe it's a whole truth. What I really want though, secretly, is for my artistic achievements (whatever those may ever be!) to carve me out a career ... or, legacy

. If I am to be very honest. Okay, but then again, if I am to truly be honest, what I really want is to communicate something of importance to a person. Does that really depend on a career? Something's messed up in there for me. What I can tell anybody right now though, is that I certainly don't have an intellectual answer to the world's riddles, at least not one that resonates through my being. You know?
So, listen to my body, yes. Ignore everything else? I don't think so, either. I want it all

. That is why my deep hope is to gain a very large pool of culture and so finally I am reading through a Mozart sonata everyday, and listening, and observing, and feeling, and thinking, and reading books and digging into things. I wish, I truly wish, I could just swallow everything down at once! You see, my eyes are bigger than my whole self, it seems. Or, at least they are bigger than my ... well, perhaps bigger than my intellectual ability. I don't have the intellectual ability to know every step to take in order to be what I see, or hear, or somewhere in me know. So, I get to thinking, no, I get to feeling, it's probably not an intellectual riddle, girl. It's probably something else. Oh, I see, I say

. Well, I feel love though, okay?
So, I tell you a thing that comes to me in the past few days also: "I just saw what I wanted to be, and so I be-ed it"