Well, I'm not *exactly* worried about it, it's just something I'm sorting out. Whether people like it or not, stereotypes exist AND, within the musical world, even the Classical musical world, people definitely DO judge based on appearance, that's the reality. That doesn't mean one thing or another necessarily, in my life at this point. I mean, I've been sorting related issues out for most of my life, so this doesn't necessarily feel entirely new or something to me. It's simply something I feel I have to for sure come to terms with, is all, and to allow myself to be fully comfortable in my skin. I'm obviously still working on what that even means to me, but I think I'm getting there!
As a side note, I am not feeling sorry for myself, I'm simply aware that there are certain ways that I don't look or sound, that's all. I do believe enough in other people to eventually feel as though my sound is worth being heard (that's a work in progress, too

, but I'm getting there eventually

). But, as a necessity in life, I have reached a point for a number of years now where I do in fact think of myself as a beautiful person -- at least in the way that I don't think of myself as generally an ugly person

(I do have my days and lessons to learn, of course!). But, that is very difficult to explain in a way that would come off entirely correctly. To put it more the correct way, I don't believe in 'looks' just in the physical sense, it is something much more to me. A long time ago I realized that I spent a good portion of my life thinking I was ugly, and then a certain portion realizing that there were at least some individuals who were attracted to me and thought I was "pretty" but that, either way, I didn't want the way I look, per se, to get in the way of people actually knowing who I am.
I don't truly know why it is all so difficult (and I mean, why is that confusing for me or anybody else?)! Anyway, intellectually I know that it's popular and perhaps necessary to think along the lines of "I don't care what people think, I'm going to do my thing anyway" but that doesn't mean I automatically know just exactly what 'my thing' is, you see? I guess THAT'S what I'm figuring out still, and I think that figuring that out tends to give courage and a sense of inward strength to an endeavor. Sometimes I'm there, sometimes not. But, somewhere in there I do believe in myself to at least get it sorted out and move forward and maybe even to do the thing, in due time

.