Well in some way I am happy but I am also sad! my music theory exams (yesterday and today) were kind of a disaster...

And I didn't get the best grade of course, I got second best (which is a 4 in my country; and 5 is the best)... but it's not even so much about the grade it's that I feel like I completely failed the aural tests (I mean the dictations) and I don't even know what happened, because at the "practice exams" at our music school I didn't have any mistakes at all but yesterday I just couldn't concentrate and I didn't hear anything right I guess... I mean I don't even know exactly cause I only saw the test for a few seconds... and everyone said the dictation was really difficult (only one girl got a 5) but I don't care about others really I just know I failed for myself and I don't want to go to grade 5 music theory next year cause I feel like I need to practice this more!!! I hope people will understand that and they won't try to convince me and tell me I have to go to grade 5 because I don't want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause I don't feel ready!
Well the piano exam was a little better! Although one teacher didn't like my pedaling at Tchaikovsky piece, but I got the best grade (5) anyway... but they made me feel pretty bad... those teachers were really scary and not nice at all even though my teacher said they were nice but they weren't!!!! they just made me feel like I was wasting their time!

and they wouldn't even let me play my last piece

and I know they had a lot of exams and they were listening to really a lot of people already but it still made me feel kinda bad. And at the beginning when I came in they were all like ok lets go lets hurry up and then one I guess wanted to make a joke (or something) maybe she wanted to be nice?

but she was like: Oh this one is almost big enough to get married (and they all laughed)

she is almost to big, and then my teacher said my age and she was like: ooooohhhhhhh like shocked and she was like: oh you should be in middle school already (I don't know what that would be called in English) but she meant I should be in the next level (or whatever) of music school... so that made me feel like I shouldn't even be there... and then my teacher said well she started late and then that teacher said: well it's never too late... but it didn't make me feel any better! also because I heard my teacher talking to one other girl from my music school before I had my exam and that girl went for an audition to be at this school (the conservatory where we have our exams) and they didn't accept her and they said it was because they have too many kids who are learning piano and that they accept only the ones who are very talented and that she was too old cause she was over 10 and she should have been about 9 for grade 3! So age is one of the most important things there!! So well then I started playing and I don't know why but I wasn't really as nervous as I am usually and my hands almost weren't shaking at all and I REALLY loved playing on a grand piano!!! so I enjoyed playing! (even though there were 3 scary teachers sitting right next to me!) and in the beginning they just started talking!!! and at first I thought that maybe it would be even better that way because they wouldn't notice so much if I made mistakes, but then it really started bothering me! because it was pretty loud and I started thinking that they're talking about how bad I was or something! so in one place (in the first movement of sonatina) I got confused and made a few mistakes... but other than that it was ok. and then after the Tchaikovsky piece one of them said: oh it's ok it's ok you have one more piece some butterfly or something right?... well it's enough and they all looked like they just wanted me to get out as fast as possible. Cause last year (and two years ago) they were all smiling when I finished and said thank you, but this year it was like they were: ok ok we have enough of you and your playing just get out already!

and it hurt my feelings. I know most people wouldn't even care about something like that but I do. So yes that was that!
I'm happy about my grade for piano and I'm REALLY happy that I LOVED playing so much and that I wasn't really that nervous and I could really enjoy playing, but all other things...
