Last post wins!!!!!

[j_tour]

It must be hard for him to walk around, what with having Trump up his arsehole... or is it the other way around?

I think they take turns at pretending to be the man in their relationship.

Putin is also involved when they meet, for a session of progressive polyamory.

[perfect_pitch]

I think they take turns at pretending to be the man in their relationship.

Putin is also involved when they meet, for a session of progressive polyamory.

I think many would argue, neither of them is a man. A parasite - sure. Man? That's not fair on the rest of the male population.

[j_tour]

I think many would argue, neither of them is a man. A parasite - sure. Man? That's not fair on the rest of the male population.

But Kim Jong Un is the "woman" when they get together.  That's something all agreed upon in advance.

And Putin is the most man, with his ischemic strokes, multiple cardiac events, separation from reality, and his paranoid dementia.

Elmo had the foresight to hire as his "beard" some pop singer for a while.  That worked for a while.

[perfect_pitch]

Elmo had the foresight to hire as his "beard" some pop singer for a while.  That worked for a while.

Well, I suppose any woman would love to date a man whose net worth is in the BILLIONS...

*** BILLIONS!!!

Don't know if Putin is the 'most' man though... Some pictures showing on the internet recently seem to suggest otherwise.

[j_tour]

Don't know if Putin is the 'most' man though... Some pictures showing on the internet recently seem to suggest otherwise.

oF COURSE IS.  Because man make horse into beast in to order make nation proud. 

Smarting most because intelligent and also fitness most because riding horse and insensitive to cold.

Is candidate for one of world leader of all century.

Is also friend and ally with failed American businessman and TV game show host for ages.  He is felon jailbird and debtor?  I is no care!  In Russia we make felon go away.

[perfect_pitch]

oF COURSE IS.  Because man make horse into beast in to order make nation proud. 

Smarting most because intelligent and also fitness most because riding horse and insensitive to cold.

Is candidate for one of world leader of all century.

Is also friend and ally with failed American businessman and TV game show host for ages.  He is felon jailbird and debtor?  I is no care!  In Russia we make felon go away.

I'm not even going to try and cobble together whatever you said.

Anyway, I'm off to celebrate the end of this shitty year... see you all in 2025 bitches.   

[j_tour]

Screw 2025 too.

[perfect_pitch]

What... can you tell the future and see that 2025 is going to suck? Isn't it still 2024 where you are?

I'd love to see your powers of clairvoyance and give us a few predictions for 2025.

[j_tour]

What... can you tell the future and see that 2025 is going to suck? Isn't it still 2024 where you are?

Well, isn't it the same time everywhere, just a matter of perspective?

Yeah, deep, I know.

All I know is that 2024 sucked and therefore 2025 will too.

But, according to a dear departed threadidiot, it's completely possible and realistic for anyone to move to another country.  Why, I could emigrate to Canada right now, from the US! 

IOW, get bent, limey.   

[perfect_pitch]

Well, isn't it the same time everywhere, just a matter of perspective?

Nope, not even remotely close. Having the sun out directly above us in Australia and calling it 12pm is not even CLOSE to the same as it being pitch black in America and attempting to call it 12pm as well.

It's not perspective. That was about as deep as a puddle.

Given that your country is about to be run by a narcissistical egomaniac; someone who looks like they have 4 years to wreak their vengeful fury upon the country... I'd say move to Canada as SOON AS YOU CAN BOY.

Run for them hills and don't look back. Come back in 2029 when someone smart and logical has been chosen to run the country.

[j_tour]

I'd say move to Canada as SOON AS YOU CAN BOY.

I don't know if defying a sovereign country's immigration laws is justified.  The path to legal residency in Canada is nearly impossible for a US citizen, as is the case for any nation of the EU.  It is possible given a significant financial guarantee, and an arrangement with the taxation authority.

However, it's not like some beer-swilling hosers rolling logs in the far north would notice. 

The Dump is going to stroke out in a year or two anyway.  He's the least of the US's problems at the moment.  Maybe it will be while doing what it enjoys the most:  taking it in the can from limp Putin.

Come back in 2029 when someone smart and logical has been chosen to run the country.

Right.  That's completely likely.

[perfect_pitch]

The path to legal residency in Canada is nearly impossible for a US citizen

I don't know... given the state of things, they'd probably take pity on the US citizens and just grant them amnesty in their country due to the psychopath running the country, your rampant gun laws killing each other and the fact you call Starbucks "coffee", when it's merely just milky piss with a bit of coffee flavouring in it.

[j_tour]

I don't know... given the state of things, they'd probably take pity on the US citizens and just grant them amnesty in their country due to the psychopath running the country

That piece of dump doesn't run jack shirt yet.  He's just an average felon who used to be on TV at present.  Regular convicted criminal.  He could easily step out in the path of a city bus for all anyone knows or cares, or go off his meds and take a faceplant on the macadam.

And no, that little fairy Justin Trudeau neither has the power nor the inclination to do anything from up north.

[perfect_pitch]

That piece of dump doesn't run jack shirt yet. [...] He could easily step out in the path of a city bus for all anyone knows or cares, or go off his meds and take a faceplant on the macadam.

The whole world waits with baited breath.

[j_tour]

The whole world waits with baited breath.

Sure.  That turd is, as of now, a mere convicted felon who cannot transport even a hunting rifle in most states, cannot vote in most states, and is awaiting sentencing in multiple jurisdictions.

And you complain about Lightning Jack or whatever his name is. 

[perfect_pitch]

Sure.  That turd is, as of now, a mere convicted felon who cannot transport even a hunting rifle in most states, cannot vote in most states, and is awaiting sentencing in multiple jurisdictions.

And you complain about Lightning Jack or whatever his name is.

That turd is going to pardon himself of all wrong-doings once he enters office, so he's going to get off scott-free.

Also... who the *** is Lightning Jack???

I know of Captain Jack...

Captain Jack Sparrow...

[j_tour]

Also... who the *** is Lightning Jack???

I wouldn't worry about it.

[perfect_pitch]

No... You've got me curious about it... I'd like to know.

Who the hell is Lightning Jack?

[j_tour]

No... You've got me curious about it... I'd like to know.

Who the hell is Lightning Jack?

If you only used Bing, you'd know.

A movie starring your current PM Paul Hogan.

Duh.

[perfect_pitch]

If you only used Bing, you'd know.

A movie starring your current PM Paul Hogan.

If I used Bing, it would probably tell me that Lightning Jack was a crack addict outside a methadone clinic, or that he was a failed male stripper or something.

And you do realise that Paul Hogan is not our PM? He's a dodgy twat & a failed actor who tried to get away with not paying taxes...

I'd rather have Pauline Hanson run out country than Paul Hogan.

[j_tour]

And you do realise that Paul Hogan is not our PM

Oh. 

Guess I should have used Google [sic].

Well at least Bonnie King Charles is still your head of state.  A keen mind, that one.

I intend to comfort myself many an evening imagining tucking my head upon his lap.

[perfect_pitch]

Well at least Bonnie King Charles is still your head of state.  A keen mind, that one.

I intend to comfort myself many an evening imagining tucking my head upon his lap.

Well... he ain't Bonnie. That's just a Scottish word we use when we're not allowed to use the 'C' word in public. Means the same thing when you use it in that context however.

As for the second part of that quote... I don't know what to make of that. Do you dream that you're his dog or something? Does he give you treats? Does he make you beg for them?

[j_tour]

As for the second part of that quote... I don't know what to make of that. Do you dream that you're his dog or something? Does he give you treats? Does he make you beg for them?

Use your imagination, man!

[perfect_pitch]

Use your imagination, man!

Screw that - I want to be able to sleep tonight, thank you very much.

[j_tour]

Screw that - I want to be able to sleep tonight, thank you very much.

Sure!  Quality sleep is healthy.  Very good and restorative.

Allow me to help!

[perfect_pitch]

What in the flying fudgecakes is wrong with you???

[j_tour]

What in the flying fudgecakes is wrong with you???

I have rather long ring fingers in relation to my index fingers.

Which results in stamina and reproductive success.

[perfect_pitch]

I once had someone compliment me on how long my pinky finger was in relation to the rest of the hand. Not sure if that's a piano thing or whatnot...

I didn't mind it when my optometrist also told me I had an incredible macula. Granted it was nice, but then I had to ask what the *** a macula was. This was back when I was still a late teenager.

[lostinidlewonder]

"Aye aye use my middle finger for percussive foraging."

[perfect_pitch]

Hey... I'm going to keep on the topic of large appendages.



 

[lostinidlewonder]

His hand will always be cold, never find a gloves for that.

[perfect_pitch]

He could be Australian - it's never cold here. I mean, the Aussies seem to complain that it's cold but it never goes below 0 degrees celsius in Perth, so they've got nothing to complain about.

My first thought when I saw that picture was... I hope he isn't a urologist - imagine getting your prostate checked by THAT guy.

[j_tour]

It's a sex thing.  Supposedly the more testosterone one was exposed to in the womb, the greater the ratio ring to index finger.  And therefore the more awesome one is.

True fact, some of the old school stride pianists attached a fake little extension to their LH pinky in order to get better reach at very fast tempi.

But it's always a sex thing.

I didn't mind it when my optometrist also told me I had an incredible macula. Granted it was nice, but then I had to ask what the *** a macula was. This was back when I was still a late teenager.

OK, gramps.  I heard that story from you before.

And, BTW, "macula" means a "stain" or a "spot" in Latin....you know:  that language you claim nobody ever uses because it sucks and is old.

[perfect_pitch]

This thread has been going on for over 11 years, so yes - there's bound to be a little repetition.

I mean, how many times have you tried tricking us into listening to that horrendous Wesley Willis crap???

Many, MANY more times than my optometry stories.

And, BTW, "macula" means a "stain" or a "spot" in Latin....you know:  that language you claim nobody ever uses because it sucks and is old.

It is old... just like you.   

[j_tour]

It is old... just like you.   

Know what else is awesome?

I met a stripper (as I found out over the course of our conversation) who is not only from Astoria, OR (the "hometown" of film and TV legend Vampira), but also speaks some Finnish, and she might come along as my "date" to my mother's funeral next week.

So, I mean, how awesome is that?  She's also a really spooky chick who is into all kinds of weird things. 

[perfect_pitch]

Know what else is awesome?

I met a stripper (as I found out over the course of our conversation) who is not only from Astoria, OR (the "hometown" of film and TV legend Vampira), but also speaks some Finnish, and she might come along as my "date" to my mother's funeral next week.

So, I mean, how awesome is that?  She's also a really spooky chick who is into all kinds of weird things.

You might think being handcuffed to the bed is kinky...

...but not when she's robbing your house while your detained.

You have fun with that.

[j_tour]

...but not when she's robbing your house while your detained.

You are indeed the buffoon that makes to having the monkeys play their merry upon the plains of field, which is consubstantial of a saying to say in my country. 

To think I do not travel with several of my male servants who are well equipped to surveil the premises.

I pay them largely in handsome sums, and in addition return they permitted to use authorized large weapons, size of large or extra large.

They watch me when I sleep, and they take photographs for evidence of woman who is in question at all moment.

Is to be a reasssurement for my own pleasure and recognizing also to have her own sovereign body which I am required to fortify exactly twice every month, at minimum, for which evidence by photography is provided to embassy,

We am finding to be very fulfilling satisfaction, and thanking you too much.  Kiitos.

[perfect_pitch]

You are indeed the buffoon that makes to having the monkeys play their merry upon the plains of field, which is consubstantial of a saying to say in my country. 

To think I do not travel with several of my male servants who are well equipped to surveil the premises.

I pay them largely in handsome sums, and in addition return they permitted to use authorized large weapons, size of large or extra large.

They watch me when I sleep, and they take photographs for evidence of woman who is in question at all moment.

Is to be a reasssurement for my own pleasure and recognizing also to have her own sovereign body which I am required to fortify exactly twice every month, at minimum, for which evidence by photography is provided to embassy,

We am finding to be very fulfilling satisfaction, and thanking you too much.  Kiitos.

So many double entendres, so many phases that could be taken out of context, so many phrases that don't have context but could mean something truly dirty.

And who the hell wants photos taken of themselves while they're asleep? That's something a pervert would do after the rohypnol has kicked in and he's dragged her unconscious body over to the bed.

[j_tour]

So many double entendres, so many phases that could be taken out of context, so many phrases that don't have context but could mean something truly dirty.

And who the hell wants photos taken of themselves while they're asleep? That's something a pervert would do after the rohypnol has kicked in and he's dragged her unconscious body over to the bed.

That's the kind of sugar papa likes.



(Edit:  what happened to the kids, anyway?  Judas effoff, they stormed in for a few months and then just pussed out, apparently.  Bunch of nerds.)

[perfect_pitch]

That's the kind of sugar papa likes.


(Edit:  what happened to the kids, anyway?  Judas effoff, they stormed in for a few months and then just pussed out, apparently.  Bunch of nerds.)

Meh - they had a tantrum, tried to act superior but then buggered off when they realised they were up against far more impressive specimens and accepted that they couldn't win.

[j_tour]

[lostinidlewonder]

This is a No exploding heads zone.

[perfect_pitch]

You're absolutely right... enjoy some Elgar.

 

[lostinidlewonder]

Is that a true story?

[perfect_pitch]

Yes... yes it is. We all know Samuel L. Jackson has a definitive lisp and wants to take over the world, and that all the worlds elite have microchips planted in their brains.

DUH... who doesn't know that?!?

[j_tour]

We all know Samuel L. Jackson has a definitive lisp and wants to take over the world

What? Something about female copulatory vocalizations and the hero-artist Wesley Willis?

It makes sense.

A little too much sense, really.

[perfect_pitch]

What? Something about female copulatory vocalizations and the hero-artist Wesley Willis?

It makes sense.

A little too much sense, really.

Not even REMOTELY what I said... but thanks for playing.

[j_tour]

I'm aware of your most intimate thoughts, and am never wrong.

[perfect_pitch]

I'm aware of your most intimate thoughts, and am never wrong.

You couldn't guess what I was thinking even if I was holding up a large A2 poster with my thoughts written and yelling them to you at the same time.

[j_tour]

if I was holding up a large A2 poster with my thoughts written and yelling them to you at the same time.

So, sort of like one of those deranged street preachers who are holding up some sign saying "REPENT!" and then babbling on about something or other?

Good to know....I'm glad you have outdoor hobbies!