Last post wins!!!!!

[perfect_pitch]

I just put pencils in my ears. 

When it comes to quarter-tone music - I like to do the same...

...and continue driving the pencils into my cranium until the horrific squealing of the piano stops.

[j_tour]

When it comes to quarter-tone music - I like to do the same...

...and continue driving the pencils into my cranium until the horrific squealing of the piano stops.

That reminds me of one of my favorite musician jokes.

You know, you've probably all heard all of them.  You know, like how do you get a pianist off your front porch?  Pay her for the pizza.  Or whatever.

I save this one for younger children, though:  "How do you get a Ben Johnston-type mother-f***er to stop fu**ing your mom?   Easy!  You just cut his f***ing d**k into about a million pieces and spread it real thin!"

It's a hit with the kids.

A few dozen children gave me their parcels of candy yesterday evening when their handlers prompted them.

[perfect_pitch]

how do you get a pianist off your front porch?  Pay her for the pizza. 

Is that how people get rid of you?     

[outin]

Is that how people get rid of you?     

I will do just about anything for pizza

[j_tour]

I will do just about anything for pizza

Yeah, well, would you whup Batman's a**?

That's right.

Think about it.

[perfect_pitch]

Meh... stun gun, element of surprise - can't be that hard.

Most of Batman's nemeses have had luck whooping his arse - can't be that hard.

[j_tour]

Meh... stun gun, element of surprise - can't be that hard.

Most of Batman's nemeses have had luck whooping his arse - can't be that hard.

One would think so.  I mean, he's some dude who fell into some kind of batcave or whatever after some coke-fiend offed his parents, or whatever.

Bats aren't known for being muscular creatures, you know.

As far as I know. 

Like probably do a marine air horn and that m*fo is like on the ground, probably, doing that weird bat-screeching noise.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manos:_The_Hands_of_Fate

[outin]

Yeah, well, would you whup Batman's a**?

That's right.

Think about it.

I am good friend with bats, so while I would not want to, I do know their weaknesses...

[perfect_pitch]

I am good friend with bats, so while I would not want to, I do know their weaknesses...

Well... they are blind - so that makes things easier.     

[j_tour]

Well... they are blind - so that makes things easier.     

Tennis racket.  While riding polo ponies and wearing white flannel.

It's like a sport.  A blood sport, you know.  Definitely English noblemen came up with it, cause it's totally disgusting and weird.

[perfect_pitch]

Tennis racket.  While riding polo ponies and wearing white flannel.

It's like a sport.  A blood sport, you know.  Definitely English noblemen came up with it, cause it's totally disgusting and weird.

There are no words... none... I am out of words to say.

Just... none.

[j_tour]

There are no words... none... I am out of words to say.

Just... none.

Well, the genteel sport is not for everyone.

But, a little known fact is that the winner of the annual world cup is allowed to assume the title of Bat King.  Or, once in history, the winner was not of majority age, and he petitioned the council to be called the Bat Dauphin. 

And that is the origin of today's fictional character, Bat Man.  It's a more democratic title, and thus appeals to the commoners.

Some people find the sport inhumane and neglectful of New World traditions, so they go all santeria on the bats.  They light candles, sacrifice a chicken. 

There is no evidence that the latter practice is effective, so I hesitated to mention that fact.  Researchers claim some results against moths, but not bats.

[perfect_pitch]

......   ...



Even Freud wouldn't know what to do with you.

[j_tour]

......   ...



Even Freud wouldn't know what to do with you.

Well, I guess we know who doesn't want to hunt bats with tennis rackets.

Bats is some good eating, though. 

The taste is somewhat similar to a cross between boiled horse hooves and shanks, and your average domestic dog, though, so bats are served heavily seasoned, usually.

[outin]

Well, I guess we know who doesn't want to hunt bats with tennis rackets.

Bats is some good eating, though. 

The taste is somewhat similar to a cross between boiled horse hooves and shanks, and your average domestic dog, though, so bats are served heavily seasoned, usually.

Bat pizza? I'd add some garlic and chili...

[perfect_pitch]

Bat pizza? I'd add some garlic and chili...

My Vampiric friend would advise against that.

[outin]

My Vampiric friend would advise against that.

Since my life after death plan is to be a zombie rather than a vampire, I sleep with garlic anyway...

[perfect_pitch]

You'd choose the life-impaired over vampire??? Are you nuts?

[outin]

You'd choose Zombie over vampire??? Are you nuts?

I don't like liquid food, so I would much rather eat brain than drink blood...

[perfect_pitch]

I'm pretty sure Vampires can eat solid foods as well...

Plus, ordering a genuine proper Bloody Mary would be awesome!

[outin]

I'm pretty sure Vampires can eat solid foods as well...

Plus, ordering a genuine proper Bloody Mary would be awesome!

I do like bloody mary, but I cannot use vodka anymore, so I'm still not convinced. Besides, isn't this a cool look?

[Bob]

He's definitely limited for piano repertoire.

[outin]

He's definitely limited for piano repertoire.

True...but there's always Scriabin and some other great left hand stuff

[j_tour]

True...but there's always Scriabin and some other great left hand stuff

Yeah, but zombies are color-blind, so Scriabin would not have been so into them playing his stuff.

It's a little-known fact, but it is true.

[outin]

Yeah, but zombies are color-blind, so Scriabin would not have been so into them playing his stuff.

It's a little-known fact, but it is true.

Hmm...that is something to consider. However I do not think one has to have synesthesia to play his music, so I think I will manage

[perfect_pitch]

Yeah, but zombies are color-blind

I don't normally post cat videos... ever in my life, but this once I'll make an exception.

[j_tour]

Hmm...that is something to consider. However I do not think one has to have synesthesia to play his music, so I think I will manage

That is true, I suppose.  Yes, as noted previously, arm-gimps can play some of Scriabin's music.  And, I have heard that American pianist Ray Charles was a marvelous interpreter of Scriabin's music.  But it turns out Mr. Charles suffered from extreme shyness, and didn't commit any of his renditions to tape.

Here's an interesting fact for today:  I did not realize that koalas are born with severe achromatographia.  I think that's a word.

Which is about the worst form of color-blindness.

They also do not care for the number eight, they love sweets made from chocolate or honey, and are easily provoked.

[outin]

They also do not care for the number eight, they love sweets made from chocolate or honey, and are easily provoked.

Like me then...
Maybe I'll be a zombie koala and eat your brain!

[j_tour]

Like me then...
Maybe I'll be a zombie koala and eat your brain!

Yeah, well, you won't be the last.

Just saying.

[perfect_pitch]

Chances are any survivor with a gun will have shot you both.

[outin]

Chances are any survivor with a gun will have shot you both.

Ha! I knew you have a hidden little American inside

[perfect_pitch]

That's not American... that's survival. Police over here carry guns, I just need to find a 'life-impaired' Cop and procure his weapon...

Don't they teach you those very important survival skills in Finland?

[outin]

That's not American... that's survival. Police over here carry guns, I just need to find a Zombie Cop and procure his weapon...

Don't they teach you those very important survival skills in Finland?

I prefer bombs and flamethrowers to guns...besides, I am one of the bad guys in this scenario so I will just eat your brain faster than you can draw!

[perfect_pitch]

Have you seen most 'life-impaired' movies... it would take longer for you to advance 50 yards than it would take for me to load a bazooka. You ain't getting any brains - not on my watch.

[outin]

Have you seen most zombie movies... it would take longer for you to advance 50 yards than it would take for me to load a bazooka. You ain't getting any brains - not on my watch.

You forgot I am a koala zombie...I'll just drop down from a tree right on top of your delicious brain!

[perfect_pitch]

You realise there's no such thing as drop-bears in Australia? We just made it up to promote tourism... like the Scottish do with the Loch Ness monster.

[outin]

You realise there's no such thing as drop-bears in Australia?

Actually I had never heard of those, but thanks to Wikipedia I am now warned

Maybe I'll just become a zombie huntsman then...Creeping out when you least expect it...I might just crawl into your ear when you sleep and feast on your juicy brain!

[Bob]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_bear

I just thought they were mean to begin with.  I'm not seeing a huge difference, except the meat-eating part maybe.

[perfect_pitch]

I'm not seeing a huge difference, except the meat-eating part maybe.

And the fact that they're not real???

[j_tour]

And the fact that they're not real???

Yeah, sure.  And Yankees don't only subsist on gunpowder, Slim Jims, pale Teutonic pilsners and John Wayne movies. 

It is completely true.  As are most things.

Ha! I knew you have a hidden little American inside

Well, unless I'm mistaken that was the real-life inspiration of the naming of the sled "Rosebud" in the movie Citizen Kane. 

[perfect_pitch]

Yeah, sure.  And Yankees don't only subsist on gunpowder, Slim Jims, pale Teutonic pilsners and John Wayne movies. 

No... they also have misogyny and racism.   

[outin]

No... they also have misogyny and racism.   

Especially against zombies

[perfect_pitch]

EXCUSE ME??? I believe the politically correct term for them are the 'life-impaired'...

You kinemortophobic bastard.   

[outin]

You kinemortophobic bastard.   

I believe the politically correct thing to say is "not born of parents in a christian marriage"...shame on you!

[perfect_pitch]

I believe the politically correct thing to say is "not born of parents in a christian marriage"...shame on you!

Why does a bastard need not to have been born of a christian marriage...

[outin]

Why does a bastard need not to have been born of a christian marriage...

Because that was one of the ways to force the said practice on pagans...

[Bob]

And the fact that they're not real???

It must be because the real things in Australia can be pretty terrifying on their own.  This seems like pretty weak folklore.  The most I know is that koalas are supposed to be mean.  I guess they eat vegetation.  So this is a meat-eating mean koala?  And I read a little more on wikipedia.  Bigger than a regular koala and predatory.  ooOOOOoo.  Not much imagination there.  It's definitely not on the level of a Bigfoot or Lock Ness Monster.

Now to get back on topic.  I came here to post this.
https://i.imgur.com/rCFq0Sk.mp4

[perfect_pitch]

Now to get back on topic.  I came here to post this.
https://i.imgur.com/rCFq0Sk.mp4

Bob... that video raises some very serious questions about your sanity, and whether you are psychologically sound. I didn't even have the sound on when I saw it, but I can only imagine the sound is more horrifying than the video clip...

Where in the great, horrific depths of the internet do you find this crap?

[j_tour]

Where in the great, horrific depths of the internet [does Bob}  find this crap?

I can't speak for Bob, but maybe something like this.  It's like playing The Game, which I just lost, and there's no avoiding the final verdict:

[perfect_pitch]

I don't understand what I'm looking at... care to elaborate???