Last post wins!!!!!

[perfect_pitch]

Are these just family photos off your hard drive J_Tour???

[j_tour]

Are these just family photos off your hard drive J_Tour???

Just your average limey setting the night on fire.

[perfect_pitch]

Just your average limey setting the night on fire.

pregnant dog... I came mother-*** prepared!!!

[j_tour]

Gonna have to do better than that!  One of the new hires I onboarded a few weeks ago at the straight job is a full-blooded Scotsman émigré, with the classic brogue, who at age 78 is kicking donkey and taking names!

Heavy drinker, too! 

He and I spent a good bit of time talking Scotch whisky this afternoon at the day job and I'm firmly convinced he can waste you with his bare hands!  Ex-military!  Sharp guy!

You and he, fight!  I give you +2 moneyline odds.  That means you're the underdog.  Two wagered on you gets one for a total of three.  My septuagenarian coworker I give -2, just to keep it simple.

[perfect_pitch]

Scots don't fight with their hands... they drink to the death and my liver is about 4 decades fitter and younger than his. I'll take him on any day.

[j_tour]

Scots don't fight with their hands... they drink to the death and my liver is about 4 decades fitter and younger than his. I'll take him on any day.

Do it! 

And what kind of man doesn't fight with his hands?  Wrap them, wear gloves, by all means.  Marquess of Queensbury rules.

[perfect_pitch]

And what kind of man doesn't fight with his hands?  Wrap them, wear gloves, by all means.  Marquess of Queensbury rules.

You know NOTHING of the Scots. The real testament of a man in Scotland is how well he can handle his liquor. I good ol' drinking game with the cheap sh*t like Ballantines Whisky (made in my home town), till one stupid sod passes out and the other writes 'wanker' on his forehead in indelible pen while he's unconscious on the floor.

[j_tour]

[perfect_pitch]

Awww... did you wake up after a drunken haze one day with the word 'wanker' on YOUR forehead???

You need to handle your liquor better.

[j_tour]

Awww... did you wake up after a drunken haze one day with the word 'wanker' on YOUR forehead???

You need to handle your liquor better.

You best control your rage, son!  For someone "uncomfortable" at the art of bare-knuckled fighting, you sure talk a big talk.

I'll have none of that!  It cannot be had!

I put my imperial and metric unit straight rule up made of steel to all pretenders to the throne of winning!

[perfect_pitch]

First of all - I control my rage. I use words instead of fists. I talk a big talk because I'm good at it, and if you aren't smart enough to beat me in a war of words, you've failed already,

Also, no one gives a sh*t about the Imperial system of measurement. We've moved into the 21st century (wait, what am I talking about - the Americans kept using the imperial system during most of the 20th century as well even though the Metric system - A FAR BETTER SYSTEM) had been in place for over another century.

[j_tour]

the imperial system during most of the 20th century as well even though the Metric system - A FAR BETTER SYSTEM) had been in place for over another century.

Right.  The British system is not that great, I agree.  However, for those who aren't innumerate, it is not difficult to work in number systems other than base 10, such as duodecimal and vigesimal, as one observes for the vast majority of recorded human history, and still exists in the numerical naming systems in many languages across the globe, including Europe, as well as in the UK (e.g., vigesimal notation).

In fact, if one is clever, one might note the reasons that hexadecimal-based computations (as a trivial abstraction from the simpler binary system) are universally standard in many technical applications.

I suppose you have great thoughts about the French Republican calendar, decimal time, and so forth.

[perfect_pitch]

However, for those who aren't innumerate, it is not difficult to work in number systems other than base 10, such as duodecimal and vigesimal, as one observes for the vast majority of recorded human history, and still exists in the numerical naming systems in many languages across the globe, including Europe, as well as in the UK (e.g., vigesimal notation).

Don't get me started on differing base systems. I remember having to multiply and divide integers in hexadecimal, octal and binary. Did my bloody head in, and I never want to do it again.

You ever had to say the times tables in hex??? That should be the sobriety test all police give to determine whether they're pissed or not.

[j_tour]

[perfect_pitch]

Hey - don't knock it till you try it. It's fun.

2x2=4
3x3=9
4x4=10
5x5=19
6x6=24
7x7=31
8x8=40
9x9=51

Not a single letter needed to be used yet. I could go on...

[lostinidlewonder]

Fun like trying to dig a spliter out of your finger?

[perfect_pitch]

Fun like trying to dig a spliter out of your finger?

Never had a spliter before.

[lostinidlewonder]

What about your servants?

[j_tour]

There you guys go again, poncing about this place.

I require some sustained, interminable, indomitable discussion about new age music like Sxrxbjx used to write for one-armed hobo pianists, or whatever.

[perfect_pitch]

I require some sustained, interminable, indomitable discussion about new age music like Sxrxbjx used to write for one-armed hobo pianists, or whatever.

[j_tour]

[perfect_pitch]

Their safety record must be a shitshow... but that would be a great way to get rid of evidence.

[j_tour]

What evidence?

[perfect_pitch]

[j_tour]

And nerds everywhere rejoice with the muted expressions of children at play in leg irons.

[perfect_pitch]

And nerds everywhere rejoice with the muted expressions of children at play in leg irons.

Children in leg irons??? Wow... that's harsh. Then again, America is the best at incarcerating their own people.

[j_tour]

Children in leg irons??? Wow... that's harsh. Then again, America is the best at incarcerating their own people.

Exactly.  The best continent at exploiting convicts.

[perfect_pitch]

Oh no you don't - we did it once and it was over 200 years ago. I think since then, it's safe to say that the Americans are great at exploiting those who are incarcerated.

The Prison industry complex wasn't introduced by the Canadians, the British or the Aussies...

[j_tour]

The Prison industry complex wasn't introduced by the Canadians, the British or the Aussies...

It was the French, of course, but it's not a competition.

[droprenstein]

The next person to post on this forum will switch to the guitar.
Edit: Apparently there's such thing as the guitar police, they invade my house and put me in a prison made of basses

[perfect_pitch]

It was the French, of course, but it's not a competition.

From wikipedia...

After the first publicly-run prison was established in 1790 in Pennsylvania, private business involvement in corrections largely diminished to providing contracted services, such as food preparation, medical care, and transportation.

Nice try - you can blame the French for a lot of things, but the Prison-industry complex ain't one of them.
That's good ol' American made.

[j_tour]

From wikipedia...

You and that wikipedia do some good history.

Now shut up and play yer guitar, son!

[perfect_pitch]

You and that wikipedia do some good history.

Better to be right, than to be wrong. I do my research.

Also, guitar sucks.

[j_tour]

Also, guitar sucks.

Look it up on wikipedia.  Under "sucking" there's a picture of you playing a guitar.

I do my research.  Crowd-sourced and fact free.

[perfect_pitch]

I do my research.  Crowd-sourced and fact free.

You can't have the words 'research' and 'fact-free' in the same sentence. That's an oxymoron...

I'll let you google that so you can find out what it means. Here's another clue though 'J_Tour' and 'winner' are also oxymorons.   

 

[j_tour]

You can't have the words 'research' and 'fact-free' in the same sentence. That's an oxymoron...

Oxymoron.  Oxycodone.  Hypoxia.

Grecian urn.

Falstaff.

Large sized fool.

[perfect_pitch]

Oxycodone.

Mmmm - breakfast of champions.

[j_tour]

[perfect_pitch]

That doesn't look quite as fun. Give me a bottle of scotch or rum, and you can get your so-called high.

[j_tour]

Give me a bottle of scotch or rum, and you can get your so-called high.

Yo ho ho. 

Looks like we got us a real pirate here.

OK, Cap'n Morgan, down from the foc'sle there, and step away from the cabin boy!

[perfect_pitch]

Is that Kevin Bacon in the pink/red shirt???

Damn right - I love my rum... especially Kraken Rum. It's expensive, but worth it.

Also - Captain Morgan do a pineapple and mango type rum which is just FANTASTIC!!!



Put that in the fridge and enjoy straight - AMAZING!!!

[j_tour]

Yeah, that sounds like about what pirates do.

[perfect_pitch]

Sorry, but instructions unclear. Did as label said and now I have a bullet wound in my foot.

Any help in what I did wrong???

[j_tour]

Any help in what I did wrong???

So many things.

[perfect_pitch]

So many things.

Well... they were your shitty instructions. Anyway, Merry Christmas you grumpy bastard.   

[j_tour]

Anyway, Merry Christmas you grumpy bastard.   

What did you just say to me?

Don't do it.

Don't ever do it.

[perfect_pitch]

My fault... I'm sorry. Here's a peace offering.



A couple of shots of that will help you feel merry and calm.

[frodo3]

My fault... I'm sorry. Here's a peace offering.



A couple of shots of that will help you feel merry and calm.

You want to make up with the guy that gave you faulty instructions resulting in foot injury??  You guys make me laugh with some of this stuff.  So, do I get some kind of prize now? 

[perfect_pitch]

This feud has been going on longer than you probably realise... we're all friends here.

[j_tour]