Last post wins!!!!!

[perfect_pitch]

Oh, so close.  Judges rule that we were looking for "shallow graves discovered by canids."  We also hear that "zip ties" and "bleach" would have been accepted as well.

And now for a short message from our sponsors of this evening's broadcast, "Bounty" brand paper towels and Acme brand rubber toilet plungers, as well as a special brief presentation from our friends at Phillip Morris.

Damn... can't believe I didn't guess that one... what was I thinking.

Also, your imagination is incredibly agile. I can't believe you come up with this crap. Who thinks to thank a sponsor in an internet forum.

Although I presume you've had many sponsors in your life... haven't you? Don't know how many of them have worked.

[ivorycherry]

No. 

Pretty much sure you'll have been bitten by a water snake. 

Or whatever.



+



You done with the kid yet?  I had to get some ventilation.

Do you think he'll go for the top bunk or the bottom bunk?  It's a very important question. 

And my new choice of leg or midriff covering doesn't hide much.

Besides, piano kind of sucks.  It's got too many keys.  And not enough pedals.  Good Wulitzer EP by JPJ there, or just a Rhodes through a tremolo effect.  I think JPJ is just holding down the bass with one of those Moog devices:  sounds like it, anyway.  I think an elephant on quaaludes could hold that down while still doing the EP stuff.  And I'm not that great at using heel-toe for an actual bass line.  But vamping on I-perfect Fifth or perfect fourth is something I think even a mere piano player could do.

There's a brief gliss behind about midway through Page's solo that makes me think Rhodes, but JPJ could have easily had both set up, with the infamous "patch to the front" on the sawed-off Wurlitzer on top of the Hammond.  (64 key manual from A-->C, and the aux output is on the bottom of the keyboard, which you can patch or have patched to the front of the KB and get rid of those dinky little spindly legs and put it on top of the Hammond, typically. 
 
But, I would have just taken the Rhodes and done it like that.    (E-->C, 73 keys on the stage model).  The common denominator is, of course, the high C note, just like on a Hammond organ manual.  At a right angle to the organ or the acoustic piano.

Oh, so close.  Judges rule that we were looking for "shallow graves discovered by canids."  We also hear that "zip ties" and "bleach" would have been accepted as well.

And now for a short message from our sponsors of this evening's broadcast, "Bounty" brand paper towels and Acme brand rubber toilet plungers, as well as a special brief presentation from our friends at Phillip Morris.

You're never to young to enter flavor country.  Where men are frightened inmates and the women are not blonde, but also frightened inmates.

A little Strafkolonie we call flavor country.

Go upset your neighbors and play this on the piano along to the record.  Do unto others before they do unto you.

If you can't play along with it, here's a crib:

What the f*ck is going on in this thread??? I don’t understand sh*t said here.

[outin]

What the f*ck is going on in this thread??? I don’t understand sh*t said here.

That's ok, it just means it's time for you to exit and not come back

[j_tour]

Although I presume you've had many sponsors in your life... haven't you? Don't know how many of them have worked.

Sure.  That's one reason I keep every claw hammer still coated in blood and hair in a private bank deposit box.  Sponsors don't last, but they seek me out and must be dealt with.

The tools of dispatch are meant for one use only.  Someday when I trick a woman into carrying fructus ventris sui to term, it will be my legacy to my son, Achille Claude.

[ivorycherry]

That's ok, it just means it's time for you to exit and not come back

Probably. Goodbye.

[perfect_pitch]

Sure.  That's one reason I keep every claw hammer still coated in blood and hair in a private bank deposit box.  Sponsors don't last, but they seek me out and must be dealt with.

Ahhh... now it all makes sense. I've finally figured out who J_Tour is:

[j_tour]

Ahhh... now it all makes sense. I've finally figured out who J_Tour is:

You're going to make me cry.

I'll never be half the serial killer Dexter is.

I still haven't mastered the use of strychnine for dogs and other nuisances.

I just have my claw hammers.

I'm so weak! 

[perfect_pitch]

Well... I'm sure you'll make it some day. All you really have to do is:

1) Pick your favourite celebrity
2) Sneak into their heavily guarded mansion
3) ... and bludgeon them to death.

You'll get your name known across the lands then.

[j_tour]

Well... I'm sure you'll make it some day. All you really have to do is:

1) Pick your favourite celebrity
2) Sneak into their heavily guarded mansion
3) ... and bludgeon them to death.

You'll get your name known across the lands then.

No, no, no.  None of that Manson Family bullsh*t.

Those people were amateurs.  Total bush league.

I just have to find a famous young woman of ability and beauty, and convince her of my undying fealty and affection.

They love it.  They pretend they don't, but trust me.  It's foolproof.

I can also mutilate myself if she requires proof that I am a heroic protector.

And, I can practice on some of the gals from work.  With successful practice, my plan cannot fail.

In addition, like all meritorious plans, it includes careful observation, stealth, and a human ear.

[perfect_pitch]

I can also mutilate myself if she requires proof that I am a heroic protector.

Is anyone else creeped out by that statement???

Edit: You know what I *** hate about the internet? Now almost every single image you google is branded by companies that now own the image. Nothing worse than trying to get an image of what you want have it branded 'PHOTOSTOCK across the whole bloody thing.

[j_tour]

Is anyone else creeped out by that statement???

What, a little cutting and slicing? 

It's fine.

You Scotsmen are so sensitive. 

I bet you even let your victims escape on purpose.

[outin]

You're going to make me cry.

I'll never be half the serial killer Dexter is.

Or half as cute?

[outin]

Is anyone else creeped out by that statement???

Edit: You know what I *** hate about the internet? Now almost every single image you google is branded by companies that now own the image. Nothing worse than trying to get an image of what you want have it branded 'PHOTOSTOCK across the whole bloody thing.

Well...if things go well you aussies won't be able to google anything in the future
Which means there's no point for you to stay in this thread and I will finally win it for good.

[outin]

Probably. Goodbye.

One gone, a few more to go...

[perfect_pitch]

Well...if things go well you aussies won't be able to google anything in the future
Which means there's no point for you to stay in this thread and I will finally win it for good.

I still have my words... and while a picture may paint 1000 words, it's not that hard to...

...copy and paste 1,000 words from other internet sites.

At least our government is standing up to a Corporate giant who milks information from reputable people and doesn't pay them... or tax.

Whats your government done in the last 4 years??? Oh yeah...

...he played a jillion rounds of *** GOLF!!!

[outin]

At least our government is standing up to a Corporate giant who milks information from reputable people and doesn't pay them... or tax.

Whats your government done in the last 4 years??? Oh yeah...

...he played a jillion rounds of *** GOLF!!!

Wait, that has nothing to do with MY government. This guy would not last a week up here.

[Bob]

Posting for the win.... again...

[lostinidlewonder]

What the f*ck is going on in this thread??? I don’t understand sh*t said here.

It's because when you read what j_tour writes sometimes you have to read beyond the words and look at the space inbetween the letters and the words not used, or you can get drunk and then it becomes clearer.

[j_tour]

...he played a jillion rounds of *** GOLF!!!

That Scottish game?  Yeah, I'm not surprised people like that play it quite a bit. 

Would you stop posting pictures of that ***wad?  I've avoided looking at or listening to that stain for decades, successfully.

You actively seek out his image, however.  That's not wise.  It's like summoning a ghoul or animating the Golem of Prague.

Or half as cute?

Yeah right.  I can flip any chick in the house, man.  Turn her out and let the money start rolling in.

[outin]

Yeah right.  I can flip any chick in the house, man.  Turn her out and let the money start rolling in.

Well, I think D is quite cute for an american...I’d do him
Of course I’d probably have to eat him afterwards like spider girls do...just as a precaution...

[j_tour]

Well, I think D is quite cute for an american...I’d do him
Of course I’d probably have to eat him afterwards like spider girls do...just as a precaution...

Tcheh.  He's a fancy lad.  I bet he cries after sex, every time.

I bet he wears nothing but the following, all the time.  That may sound pretty appealing at first, in a Karl Hungus sort of way, but think some more about it.  You couldn't take him anywhere!

And he's hideously old!  Ancient!  With little old person bird legs, liver spots, a pronounced tremor, incontinent when it comes to both solid and liquid waste, and false teeth.  And he's bald!  Look at that wig! 

I don't think he wears a bag on his hip, though, so, despite the penis amputation, he's got that going for him.

[perfect_pitch]

Would you stop posting pictures of that ***wad?  I've avoided looking at or listening to that stain for decades, successfully.

Who... you mean this guy?!?



You do mean Trump, don't you... as in Donald Trump.



Ex-president of the United States of America, and all round disgrace of a human being???

I am MORE than happy to flood the forums with pictures of that geezer if it means I've got a good chance of knocking you off this forum.

I mean, there's MILLIONS of images of him on the internet. I've got a seemingly infinite supply of them... like this one:

[j_tour]

Who... you mean this guy?!?

To paraphrase a line from the classic movie Jeepers Creepers, "I see you suffering in a small room."

Or, as is well known, when "Stairway to Heaven" is played backwards, one is told "There was a little tool shed where he made us suffer."

You're not ready, son, to receive messages from the occult world.

Also, *** you for those goddamned rtarded *** pictures.  ***.

How about some cheesecake pinups, or for the ladies, some beefcake muscle magazine photos?

Anything but these contumelies.

[perfect_pitch]

Also, *** you for those goddamned rtarded *** pictures.  ***.

I think my new thing now, is I'm going to try and find photos with the exact facial expression I believe he'd use if you had said that to his face. Let's give it a try:

[j_tour]

I think my new thing now, is I'm going to try and find photos with the exact facial expression I believe he'd use if you had said that to his face. Let's give it a try:

I've got a better idea.  How about I put my foot where it don't shine, you roustabout?

[perfect_pitch]

I've got a better idea.  How about I put my foot where it don't shine, you roustabout?

I think he's ahead of you...

[outin]

I think my new thing now, is I'm going to try and find photos with the exact facial expression I believe he'd use if you had said that to his face. Let's give it a try:

You have that, I have...



Who's gonna win?

[j_tour]

Who's gonna win?

I vote for the picture of edible creatures.  The kittens' veins are probably not full of embalming fluid.  Ready for the fire pit.  The fur just falls right off, and the skin is crisp and delicious.

Save the ears, feet, and tails for soup.

[perfect_pitch]

You have that, I have...



Who's gonna win?

Well... he won for 4 years. That's not bad for a toupee with a man attached to it.

[j_tour]

Well... he won for 4 years. That's not bad for a toupee with a man attached to it.

I don't see any picture attached. 

Are you having the same problem as that kid?

Wait, is this what you were trying to post?

[perfect_pitch]

Christ No... Paul Hogans a moron. He had one good movie going for him decades ago and he's been trying to live off past glory; not to mention horde his money without paying taxes.

I have no respect for the guy whatsoever.

[j_tour]

Christ No... Paul Hogans a moron. He had one good movie going for him decades ago and he's been trying to live off past glory; not to mention horde his money without paying taxes.

I have no respect for the guy whatsoever.

I know that. 

*Lightning Jack* was indeed an excellent movie.

So, you're saying he was a leaking used scumbag who won something once and should not be memorialized in photographic tribute?

[perfect_pitch]

So, you're saying he was a leaking used scumbag who won something once and should not be memorialized in photographic tribute?

Yes.

[Bob]

What the f*ck is going on in this thread??? I don’t understand sh*t said here.

It's evolved beyond your understanding.  However, Trump's in the thread a lot now, so the bar is set pretty low there.

[j_tour]

It's evolved beyond your understanding.  However, Trump's in the thread a lot now, so the bar is set pretty low there.

I'll tell you what's what:  somebody's about to get cut if they keep up with the jibber-jabber.  I won't say who.  Or when.  But now it's a rumble!

And not one of those fancy choreographed routines with song and dance:  I might have to take my shirt off and use my special technique.

In addition, since you people are all fanatics about pizza, and I admit it is OK, since I have to buy more propane for my blowtorch for the top of the pizza, I can use same tool from which defeat to is great  American villain who is hero of much photography inside of the States and over the seas.

[perfect_pitch]

However, Trump's in the thread a lot now, so the bar is set pretty low there.

HEY... You guys voted him in, so you already set a record for how low the bar could go.

[j_tour]

HEY... You guys voted him in, so you already set a record for how low the bar could go.

"Guys"?  That is not very woke, man. 

I'm not happy, but at least I don't relish looking at some irrelevant criminal pig's photographs.

[perfect_pitch]

Seriously??? What the heck was that? The quality was so bad it was like watching what would happen if a bootlegger walked into the movie, recorded said film on an 80's camera, and then filmed the footage as it played on an 80's TV with vaseline smeared all over the lens, and just to top it off - run the audio through a audio system that hasn't been used in 80 years.

There are Balinese bootlegs better quality than that video... and that's saying something.

[j_tour]

Seriously??? What the heck was that? The quality was so bad it was like watching what would happen if a bootlegger walked into the movie, recorded said film on an 80's camera, and then filmed the footage as it played on an 80's TV with vaseline smeared all over the lens, and just to top it off - run the audio through a audio system that hasn't been used in 80 years.

Yeah, sure, whatever.  Videophiles are even worse than audiophiles.

[perfect_pitch]

It is 2020, I mean... if you can't get a good quality video source, then you're just not looking hard enough.

[j_tour]

It is 2020, I mean... if you can't get a good quality video source, then you're just not looking hard enough.

I didn't look at all.  Anyway, everyone knows that scene.  Not my problem.

And anyway, what year is it again? 

I'll just leave that there and see if you can work out where you went wrong.

[perfect_pitch]

No... I prefer to think of this year as 2020 [Take 2].

We didn't really get a 2020 so this year will have to take its place.

[j_tour]

No... I prefer to think of this year as 2020 [Take 2].

We didn't really get a 2020 so this year will have to take its place.

Bullshit!    Haven't you been bragging about how deftly your guru master Scott Morrison has whipped CV-19, enabling you to frolic unencumbered on the snake-infested "pristine" beaches during your summer?

[perfect_pitch]

Bullshit!    Haven't you been bragging about how deftly your guru master Scott Morrison

Excuse me? No. Scott Morrison is a twat in my books. The real hero is Mark McGowan. He's the one who allowed us to

frolic unencumbered on our pristine beaches during summer

[I made a few corrections]

[j_tour]

Excuse me? No. Scott Morrison is a twat in my books. The real hero is Mark McGowan. He's the one who allowed us to

[I made a few corrections]

Shane MacGowan is a legend! 

Love that guy!

Why do you insist the beaches of Australia are infested with snakes?  The white sand beaches look rather inviting.

[perfect_pitch]

I didn't say the beaches were infested with snakes. YOU said the beaches were infested with snakes. There are motherf***ing sharks though.

I said EVERYWHERE else is infested with snakes - mainly swamps and shitholes.

[j_tour]

I didn't say the beaches were infested with snakes. YOU said the beaches were infested with snakes. There are motherf***ing sharks though.

I said EVERYWHERE else is infested with snakes - mainly swamps and shitholes.

Right.  So the water is infested with jellyfish and the land is infested with snakes.

That's what I said!

[outin]

Our beaches are completely safe! No snakes, jellyfish or covid restrictions



But sorry, you cannot come, we just closed the borders...

[j_tour]

But sorry, you cannot come, we just closed the borders...

Astral projection.  A secret from ancient aliens.  You can just call me Pazuzu.  Or Pumaman. 

I go where trouble is needed.  To the soft and complacent, I bring torment and woe.

[perfect_pitch]

Why do you insist the beaches of Australia are infested with snakes?  The white sand beaches look rather inviting.

No... let's just clarify something. YOU said that I claimed the beaches were infested with snakes.

I did no such thing. I think you're off your meds... that or you've been drinking again.

Have you been getting into grandpa's hooch again???