Last post wins!!!!!

[j_tour]

Gotta keep those sheets clean somehow.

Sheets?  What kind of fancy little queen do you suppose I am?

A bed of clean, jagged rocks and gravel.

[perfect_pitch]

Sheets?  What kind of fancy little queen do you suppose I am?

A bed of clean, jagged rocks and gravel.

So nature is your bedroom??? Classy. Must make for a lot of cold nights.

[j_tour]

So nature is your bedroom??? Classy. Must make for a lot of cold nights.

Not with proper nutrition.  The thermic effect of feeding is real. 

And, yes, this is indoors.  I just hired some laborers from behind the hardware store to come shovel a bunch of rocks in my bedroom.

[perfect_pitch]

Not with proper nutrition.  The thermic effect of feeding is real. 

And, yes, this is indoors.  I just hired some laborers from behind the hardware store to come shovel a bunch of rocks in my bedroom.

[j_tour]

It's very legit.

[perfect_pitch]

One person asked me how I would describe a shot of Jamesons Irish whisky.

My answer was:

[j_tour]

One person asked me how I would describe a shot of Jamesons Irish whisky.

Horseshit.  It's extremely smooth.

It just happens to be not very complicated or nuanced.

https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php?topic=66569.msg709314#msg709314

[perfect_pitch]

I reported that... surprised its taken Nils so long to take it down.

[j_tour]

I reported that... surprised its taken Nils so long to take it down.

You're such a weenie!

That was by far the most entertaining spam post I've seen here.

[perfect_pitch]

You're such a weenie!

That was by far the most entertaining spam post I've seen here.

So you were into the Gay Furry Porn??? We finally see a side of J_Tour that has only been seen by...

...his psychiatrist. May GOD have mercy on that poor bastards soul. I think even he may have to see a psychiatrist.

[j_tour]

So you were into the Gay Furry Porn???

Way into it.

And onto it, over it, under it, inside it.

It's just great.

[perfect_pitch]

So you were into the Gay Furry Porn???

Way into it.

...inside it.

It's just great.

[j_tour]

I'm sorry, but the person who regularly comments on the relative "cuteness" of various photographs of animals, including animated cels, really doesn't have much credibility when it comes to dismissing

THE FURRY COMMUNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, it is large and in charge.

[perfect_pitch]

I'm sorry, but the person who regularly comments on the relative "cuteness" of various photographs of animals, including animated cels, really doesn't have much credibility when it comes to dismissing

THE FURRY COMMUNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, it is large and in charge.

I don't know entirely enough about them to confirm or deny how large they are... but they sure as hell ain't in charge.

Plus, there is a reason people find animals cute. They make good companions in the fact that most of them are small and docile. Bunnies, cats, dogs etc...

When you almost homogenise them with human traits, you almost get into an uncanny valley type conundrum, where they no longer are cute because they're almost human, but they're too bizarre in shape and form to be considered animal.

I mean, this is the reason that the Cats movie panned. I mean look at this:



HORRIFYING!!!



TERRIFYING!!!



MOTHER OF CHRIST... WHAT COULD BE WORSE?!? TO LOOK UPON SOMETHING LIKE THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL AND BURNT AT THE STAKE!!! IT'S LIKE LOOKING UPON THE FACE OF THE DEVIL AND HAVING YOUR FACE MELT like that scene from Indiana Jones.



















Oh... and he's also dressed as a bloody cat as well. The only way to rectify this is to bring in photoshop.



Ahhhh... Nick Offerman makes everything better.

[j_tour]

I don't know entirely enough about them to confirm or deny how large they are... but they sure as hell ain't in charge.

Yes it is.

I'm having a Black Bush now and it's certainly related to some amphibious creatures.

Anyway, animals don't have souls, and exist solely for the pleasure of man, which is why I don't argue with your predilection for bestiality.

I do admit, the phallus of a large horse is impressive, so I wish you lots of luck in your non-traditional, but committed and stable relationship.

[perfect_pitch]

Anyway, animals don't have souls, and exist solely for the pleasure of man, which is why I don't argue with your predilection for bestiality.

Who would? Anyone who does has a screw loose. It's like flat-earthers; how do we get rid of this idiotic notion???

[j_tour]

Well, since you are the forum's loudest supporter of cat pictures and videos, you should get a big moment of excitement about this video.

The music is horrid (trust me:  put it on mute).

But just look at that cute kitty!

And then look at this.

[perfect_pitch]

Well, since you are the forum's loudest supporter of cat pictures and videos

Sometimes it feels like we gel, and we're finding common ground; and then other times you say dumb sh*t like that.

I'm all for bunnies or owls... NO CATS!!!

I was going to leave it at that, but in my research in a scathing retort - I came across a video of Anthony Hopkins playing piano.

He's not too bad.

[j_tour]

I'm all for bunnies or owls... NO CATS!!!

Right.

[perfect_pitch]

Can you get a tinier image???

See if you can get one that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE will be able to make out.

[j_tour]

Can you get a tinier image???

See if you can get one that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE will be able to make out.

Try reading glasses. 

[perfect_pitch]

Try reading glasses. 

I already have glasses - and I mean full on, I wake up in the morning and the first mother-*** thing I do is put on my specs so I can see the world in which I live and they don't come off until I throw the covers over myself at night when the lamp goes off.

I know my opinion may be unpopular, but 1) while the extra 'teats' seem to be drawn on and don't look permanent; the 'Dog tits' does look quite heavily red as if it's been scratched on. I somehow doubt someone actually tattooed it on, but the fact that someone drew it with pen is disturbing enough...

...and 2) I heavily believe that in cases like this, there is enough proof to demonstrate that this person clearly has a brain, but doesn't use it... and should be put down for the betterment of humanity.

And 3) Where the deep murky waters of heavily-intoxicated-jesus-dinosaurs do you find this sh*t J_Tour?

[j_tour]

And 3) Where the deep murky waters of heavily-intoxicated-jesus-dinosaurs do you find this sh*t J_Tour?

I don't "find" things.  I force things.  Like fattening a goose's liver, using a tube and a funnel.

[perfect_pitch]

I've never liked foie gras. Hell, I don't even eat Haggis and I was born in Scotland, so foie gras can bugger off.

While the flesh of animals is indeed quite tasty, I sure ain't up for their organs. That sh*t is nasty.

[j_tour]

I've never liked foie gras. Hell, I don't even eat Haggis and I was born in Scotland, so foie gras can bugger off.

While the flesh of animals is indeed quite tasty, I sure ain't up for their organs. That sh*t is nasty.

You know, sweetbread isn't just a name:  it's descriptive.

And what?  You don't like pâté of goose liver? 

I don't even know you, man!  That's delicious! 

TBH I don't much care for pork rillettes, especially out of a plastic tub bought at the grocery store.

All right, which would you rather eat:   filet of cat, filet of dog, or filet of human.

I demand an answer!

[perfect_pitch]

All right, which would you rather eat:   filet of cat, filet of dog, or filet of human.

I demand an answer!

You demand an answer??? DEMAND??? You don't get to demand anything from me...

...however, I will humour you with an answer. I'd go with filet of cat... so there's the possibility of their being one less cat picture in the world.

The reason I wouldn't go for the human is because if you end up liking the taste, you end up becoming Hannibal Lecter, and no butcher is going to stock ground up human.

And trying to kill yourself a live one is just too much effort. You need the chloroform, the plastic wrapping sheets, bathtub to drain the blood, circular saw, access to being able to dump waste without witnesses...

I have seen Dexter, but he doesn't give you an ENTIRE blueprint of how to completely eliminate all evidence of a crime.

[j_tour]

I have seen Dexter, but he doesn't give you an ENTIRE blueprint of how to completely eliminate all evidence of a crime.

I don't know, it's pretty close.

Worked so far, until some meddling little Nellie started poking his or her snout in my kill rooms.

[perfect_pitch]

I don't know, it's pretty close.

Worked so far, until some meddling little Nellie started poking his or her snout in my kill rooms.

See... that's the problem. The old houses of 100 years ago had attics, and cellars where you could put up torture chambers and secret kill rooms and no one would be the wiser.

Houses now are becoming more modern and open, so there's less chance of you butchering hobos without some nosy neighbour peeking in.

[j_tour]

Houses now are becoming more modern and open, so there's less chance of you butchering hobos without some nosy neighbour peeking in.

Exactly.  It's the fricking neighbors.  It's a ridiculous, outlandish, untenable situation.

You can't even put poisoned meat outside without someone making a big thing about it.

And punji sticks in a shallow culvert concealed by vegetation? 

Forget about it!

[perfect_pitch]

Exactly.  It's the fricking neighbors.  It's a ridiculous, outlandish, untenable situation.

You can't even put poisoned meat outside without someone making a big thing about it.

Obviously you need to invest in better blinds... that will keep them from peering in.

As for the poisoned meat - try going to a market and serving it as free samples. You'll get some luck possibly?

[j_tour]

Obviously you need to invest in better blinds... that will keep them from peering in.

Good point.  Blackout cloth will do nicely,

Do you think a ball gag would adequately muffle any hysterical screeching, or do I need to invest in an anechoic chamber?

You're a man of the world:  I'm sure you have experience in such matters.

As for the poisoned meat - try going to a market and serving it as free samples. You'll get some luck possibly?

Maybe.  I really would prefer to be discreet about the whole Project Meatman, though. 

It's as though you want Project Meatman to fail!  Shame on you!

And I think humans can taste the antifreeze....although maybe whip up a nice sweet sauce, inspired from Thai or Vietnamese cuisine.

Strychnine is right out:  it's fairly dangerous to handle, and difficult or impossible to obtain in the right concentrations.

So many options!

[perfect_pitch]

I don't know - if you have a determined captive, a ball-gag isn't going to do too much. If you want to do things right, then an anechoic chamber is well worth the money.

I don't want Project Meatman to fail... all I ask is that the next time there's a Trump rally, make sure you serve it there... that or a flat-earther rally.

Anti-freeze is too strong a taste, no matter what you try to mix it in. Try a nice white wine sauce and lace it with Methylated spirits. Or maybe try a lovely steak sauce with Iodine.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I have to do all your thinking for you J_Tour. This is your project - you need to have the brains and the gall, and think out all of the options if you want it succeed.

[j_tour]

You're just not listening.

Any captive of mine would be very well trussed, indeed.  I enjoy tying knots, and they do not fail.  Once the ball gag is installed correctly, it's staying on, without question.

And I think you've misunderstood Project Meatman.  I can't be exposed in my disguise as a server at a catered event! 

Think, man!  What animals are most likely to eat tainted meat placed outdoors, and are famously not very choosy about quality or taste?

I can't reveal all the details.

[j_tour]

All right, enough of Project Meatman and Operation Humantrap.

Laphroaig 10 is what it's all about!

[perfect_pitch]

Could you not wait for a response by ANYONE else, before you put your feet up and pound out a couple of shots???

Think, man!  What animals are most likely to eat tainted meat placed outdoors, and are famously not very choosy about quality or taste?

OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. If I do all your thinking for you, it might as well be MY project. Do your own research - this way, your results will be yours... and not profiteering off the skills and opinions of others.

If you want Project Meatman to succeed, define your goal, tasks to achieve said goal and what said goal will mean for you.

[j_tour]

Could you not wait for a response by ANYONE else, before you put your feet up and pound out a couple of shots???

Nope.  The ladies call me Quickdraw.  I just can't be stopped.

And one does not "pound out" "shots" of good whiskies.

[perfect_pitch]

Nope.  The ladies call me Quickdraw.  I just can't be stopped.

I know... once you're on top of them, it's less than a minute before your done, before rolling over onto the other side of the bed and smoking a cigarette.

Not much fun for the ladies though.





Sorry... but I just had to. You set it up perfectly.

[j_tour]

Sorry... but I just had to. You set it up perfectly.

That was not a burn, nor a sick burn, nor an epic burn.

You see, that was the implied subtext.

And, yes, the ladies like it just fine!

Gold Bond Medicated Spray Powder:  one pump, no chumps, and everyone's happy.  Gender neutral.

[perfect_pitch]

That was not a burn, nor a sick burn, nor an epic burn.

You see, that was the implied subtext.

Not a thing to brag about...

[j_tour]

The men don't know, but the little girls, they understand!



SUPER-SERIAL QUESTION:  what's the best rectangular SKB/Gator/etc. style hard case for a Gibson ES-175 type guitar?  Not a full Anvil road case, but lightweight, inexpensive, and rectangular in shape, that's deep enough for a full hollow-body electric old-school jazz guitar.

Amazon may be whatever, but their search engine and general technical savoir-faire is stuck in the Flintstones' era.  Trust me, I know.

/*Oh, and pauca intelligenti:  don't actually spray the Gold Bond mentholated powder onto your genitals directly.  It is .... it can be like burning,  Use only as directed*/

/*Oh, obligatory whiskey photo:



Redbreast 12.  I must say, despite my irrational, deeply engrained loathing for the British, I'd just as soon go back to the Laphroaigs, and some other "smoke monsters."  Although Laphroaig is not the most heavily smoked by a long shot.  It's enough, though. 

I did try Johnnie Blue the other day:  very smooth, but I like the smoke and the complexities of the highland/Islay scotches a bit more. Johnnie Black is a very good whisky, though:  nice balance of smoke and subtlety. */

/*ETA, they had a "miniature" airline sized bottle of the Johnnie Blue at one of my regular shops, so I had to find out.  It was like twelve bucks for the tiny bottle, but worth it for the experience*/

[perfect_pitch]

The men don't know, but the little girls, they understand!

I wouldn't mention the words 'little girls' in an internet forum. That makes you sound suspicious and may give people the wrong impression.

Anyway, moving onto more important things. Have you tried Jura lightly peated whisky??? Fantastic stuff - had it a few times, if you like something a little smokey.



BEAUTIFUL!!!

[j_tour]

I wouldn't mention the words 'little girls' in an internet forum. That makes you sound suspicious and may give people the wrong impression.

Meh, I wouldn't worry about it.  Quote from a song and all that.  Like the gals at work say, I'm a pervert, but not a creep!  Nicest compliment I ever been given!

Anyway, moving onto more important things. Have you tried Jura lightly peated whisky??? Fantastic stuff - had it a few times, if you like something a little smokey.

No! I may not be able to find it here, but I haven't looked.

No, I like something a LOT smokey, from what I know of Scotch whisky.

Tell me, am I wasting my time checking out the Macallans or the Glenlivets?  I somehow think they may be a bit "soft" for my tastes.

I loved the Laphroaig 10, and I'll still drink the Teacher's Highland Cream, which has a fairly smoky note, for being an inexpensive blend.  And, as the same, Johnnie Black:  very decent whisky, IMHO.

And, just for fun, I've got to try the Monkey Shoulder:  haven't seen the Monkey Shoulder with more smoke, but it's not that expensive and people say it's a staple among bottom-shelf blended Scotches, so I have to try it.  Predictably, that variant of Monkey Shoulder is called something like "Smokey Shoulder" or some nonsense like that.

Am still looking for cask-strength Writer's Tears, an Irish, but I think they only release it like once a year. 

Among the Irishes, the Teeling Small Batch had more flavor, maybe due to the higher ABV, but I still don't want to pull the trigger on Writer's Tears at only 80 proof.  But if I could source it, I've heard good things about the Powers "John's Lane."  I will be honest and say Powers Gold is overpriced swill, but they apparently have some higher end offerings.


Rather spend the money on an Ardbeg.

[perfect_pitch]

I do hope in time I can build up a collection of fine whiskys to keep in the house. I'm still paying off my home loan though, so I'll do it after I'm done to reward myself.

Macallans??? Nah - wouldn't touch it.

The Glenlivets??? If you're after smoky, then no... I highly doubt that's for you.

[j_tour]

I do hope in time I can build up a collection of fine whiskys to keep in the house. I'm still paying off my home loan though, so I'll do it after I'm done to reward myself.

Macallans??? Nah - wouldn't touch it.

The Glenlivets??? If you're after smoky, then no... I highly doubt that's for you.

Good advice:  I won't waste the time and money on those, then. 

Yeah, I hear you about building up a collection:  ideally I'd have been reserving the better whiskies for guests or special occasions, but I only typically have one Irish or Scotch whiskey or whisky in the house at one time.

I don't know how people manage to stock full bars at their private residences, but I'd get into some bad behavior if I bought a bunch of low-end stuff just "for drinking" and kept the better stuff in reserve.

No!  I'm not much of an alcoholic!  It just seems that way! 

Wow.  Four hours until I have to leave for work, and haven't slept a wink.

Redbreast 12!

Power on!  Engage!

[perfect_pitch]

Wow.  Four hours until I have to leave for work, and haven't slept a wink.

Well... I'm going to assume you were smart enough and went to work... and not notice that I crept this win in here.

[j_tour]

Well... I'm going to assume you were smart enough and went to work... and not notice that I crept this win in here.

I notice nothing!

Yes, I was awoken by an alarm clock and now have thirty minutes during which to spray some Gold Bond Medicated Powder on my groin, have coffee.

Put on clothes.

Take a sh*t.  Nah.  Do that at work.

You fool!  I do not miss appointments doing the work of the Devil!

[perfect_pitch]

Well... I did like you and bought myself a lovely bottle of Kraken spiced Rum...

It's currently coming into Winter here and it will do well to keep me warm as the temperature dips.

Although here, it never gets below 0 degrees centigrade in Perth.

[j_tour]

bought myself a lovely bottle of Kraken spiced Rum...

Yeah, that's OK.

But you know you have to eat the Kraken after finishing the bottle.

It gets you super high, dude.

[perfect_pitch]

But you know you have to eat the Kraken after finishing the bottle.

It gets you super high, dude.

Ahhh... I didn't buy the collectors edition. It just comes with a bit of disappointment and self-loathing at the bottom of the bottle.

[j_tour]

Ahhh... I didn't buy the collectors edition. It just comes with a bit of disappointment and self-loathing at the bottom of the bottle.

Oh, well, doesn't every bottle?

I did see the Jura today.  But, I'm only after smoke monsters these days.  I actually took a step down and bought the Bushmills "Original," just to see what it was like.

Black Bush is far superior. 

I'm also finding Canadian actor and comedian Norm Macdonald extremely funny nowadays, so perhaps I have some head injury.

Oh, and don't even try making an infusion with inferior products like Gustaf's Dutch Licorice Double Salt.  Sorry to say, but there really is no substitute for Pfizer's Turkinpippuri.